I wrote this for local LCs and Leaders -- it is Vermont-centric but
you can find your own state's guidelines on their websites. Liz Brooks
is (as usual haha) spot on....
You will see I wrote this mainly for local moms we work with who are
not married - very ugly stuff, very often.
My feelings about mom-baby bonds in the early months/years often get
in the way....(even if it's a second honeymoon! - even with the third
we took the baby) -- But if you talked to the dad remember you might
want to help him too.
All the craziness always centers on the breastfeeding. Help the mom to
make the breastfeeding the thing that stays normal. Not the thing they
fight over.
Dawn Kersula
INFO ABOUT FAMILY COURT PARENTAL RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES DECISIONS
IN VERMONT
I spoke today to Sharon Annis, who is Court Manager for the Windham
County Family Court. Here are some things I learned, and info on
getting PDFs of applicable brochures.
1. Marriage is the threshold question for many of these cases – and in
Vermont the putative father of a child born “out of wedlock” has no
legal rights to the child UNTIL he has come to court for a parentage
action, and the judge issues a parentage order. This is true even if
he’s signed the Establishing Parentage form in the hospital, and even
if he’s on the birth certificate.
In cases where mom is on public assistance, the state will file
parentage actions. And again – until the court established parentage,
the father has no rights. None.
2. Judges DO get training in child development. The La Leche League
article cited below notes that it’s often in the child’s best interest
to have frequent time with both parents, BUT that does not necessarily
mean overnights, especially in the case of very young children and
most particularly with breastfed babies. There are no guidelines as to
when is the right time for visitation to change to overnights, so it’s
up to individual judges what happens with babies, toddlers and beyond.
3. It’s important to remember that the judge doesn’t know you are
breastfeeding unless you say so.
4. It’s important to think about what is best for the baby BEFORE YOU
WALK INTO COURT. Otherwise you may find yourself with a plan from the
dad that is markedly different from what you thought would happen.
It’s best to have a reasonable plan thought out beforehand. If a mom
walks in and agrees – the agreement holds until something needs to be
changed in court. If she does not want to agree, she should SAY WHAT
SHE WANTS and SAY IF SHE AGREES with the dad’s plan OR NOT. If you
don’t speak up, the judge doesn’t know what you are thinking.
5. It is particularly important for young moms to have good support
and think through these issues. They may often think, “This is my
baby, he’s not with us and he has no right to have my baby.” Once
parentage has been legally established, that’s not the case anymore.
As you become familiar with these issues, it’s a good idea to visit La
Leche League’s site to help yourself think through what’s going on
with these breastfeeding moms and babies
http://www.llli.org/Law/LawInterest.html (excellent, excellent
article).
The pamphlets and info for the State of Vermont are at www.vermontjudiciary.org
-- start at the home page, click through to Family Court and look for pamphlets
http://www.vermontjudiciary.org/courts/family/domestic.htm#D
(“Parental Rights & Responsibilities” and “Establishing Parentage.”)
It’s worth it to look at the site to also see who your local Family
Court is – there are the court officials and also mediators (for
people who want to work it out) and parent coordinators (for people
who can’t seem to work it out). Sharon highly recommends calling your
local family court if you have questions. They are working hard to try
to do a good job for families, and they need all the intelligent
support they can get. She happens to be Court Manager (she’s a lawyer)
– but says if you just call and explain your question, they’ll get the
right person to talk to you.
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