If the breastfeeding relationship were acknowledged as something important
and valued in society, we would recognize the need to grieve its loss. I
think the grief/loss therapy or response is the right model here, but until
women and those around them actually believe they have lost something worth
grieving, it may not resonate.

If we can help women acknowledge the reality of their loss and help them to
learn how to understand and cope with grief, we will be providing a real
service.

-- Jodine Chase
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

On Thu, Oct 27, 2011 at 8:39 AM, heather <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> This came up for discussion on Lactnet last week - I am away from home so
> just catching up now.
>
> The blog - here: http://www.**fearlessformulafeeder.com<http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com>- is worth reading.  Frequently, the blogger and the women who comment tell
> us what it *feels* like not to breastfeed. Often, it is painful reading for
> us, because of the myths and misunderstandings that become evident.
>
> Yes, of course it shows us how badly breastfeeding is supported in many
> parts of the West - it's US based, but a lot of what she says applies to the
> UK as well, though I see her current guide to safe formula preparation is
> absolutely not what UK guidance asks for (and she has not acknowledged that
> it's the *formula*  not the water that has the major bugs in it...I suspect
> she does not know). The limitations of the  public health message are
> obvious -  ff women hear it as ' you are a bad mother for not
> breastfeeding'.
>
> The tortured defensiveness expressed by many formula feeders is an
> expression of their pain and grief. I think it is pretty rare for formula
> feeders to be discriminated against, publicly reviled, accused of
> exhibitionism etc etc - and the criticism they feel is all around them may
> be largely in their heads.  But in their heads or not, it certainly feels
> *real*, and the emphasis on health 'benefits' of breastfeeding translates
> very personally indeed to indivdual mothers.
>
> So what do we do? My own organiation tries very hard to make sure that
> formula feeders' 'bad feelings' are not added to, and we try to ensure
> mothers who formula feed (for whatever reason) understand the fundamental
> needs *all* babies have to be responded to, to have their feeding 'cues'
> acted upon, to be fed as part of a loving relationship and not as merely a
> means of fuelling growth or transmitting calories.....so that formula
> feeding can be done in all the ways that are integral to happy
> breastfeeding.
>
> Being sensitive to the needs of ff mothers is to be sensitive to the needs
> of babies - and accepting mothers' needs rather than just being horrified at
> their lack of understanding  will, I think, ultimately mean more mothers and
> babies breastfeed and for longer :)
>
> Heather Welford Neil
> NCT bfc, tutor, UK
> --
> http://www.heatherwelford.co.**uk <http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk>
>
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