Jaye asks for advice about how to follow up on a disturbing query from a
hospital in her area.  An employee of the hospital 'invited' Jaye to a
meeting to discuss a case in which Jaye had been indirectly involved, and an
e-mail was sent to Jaye by the hospital employee in which the full name of
the PARTNER of the hospital's patient was included in the subject line.

First, I would not forward any of the e-mails to anyone because I would not
want to be guilty of the same kind of violation of privacy they have
committed, but I would print out hard copies and keep them in a safe place,
and check with the partner about whether she signed something giving the
hospital permission to call a meeting with Jaye to discuss her and her
partner's 'out of the box'-ness or their plans for feeding their premature
twins.  Frankly I would be very surprised if she had been invited to sign
anything of the kind.  This sounds like really unprofessional behavior on
the part of the employee who sent Jaye the e-mail, and the attitudes
revealed in their further communication with Jaye don't help matters.  It is
news to me that a hospital caring for a new mother can practically insist
that an independent health professional who has cared for the woman's
partner come to a meeting at all.  What business is it of theirs?  So what
if they have a 45 page protocol on inducing lactation?   The person trying
to induce lactation is not, in fact, the person under their care and Jaye
doesn't work for the hospital, so I am baffled about the purpose of the
meeting. (Do you think they are going to make you a job offer if you just
promise to follow their protocols, ha ha ha?

It's also worth finding out how the hospital found their way to Jaye, either
by asking the employee or by asking the woman who consulted Jaye. I am
probably mean and vindictive enough to show the woman the e-mail in the heat
of battle but I'm not sure it is the kindest way forward for the woman.  She
probably has enough to deal with as a parent of premature twins, without
having to expend energy being aggravated about this too - so, beyond
ascertaining whether the invitation was sent with her consent, it is
probably better to do the dirty work yourself.

I'm not familiar with the laws in California myself, but I am struggling to
find any reason at all why Jaye should have informed the hospital about this
couple, unless the couple had requested specifically that Jaye do so.  If
they have not done so, it seems to me Jaye could be putting herself at risk
by participating in such a meeting.  I've never heard of a hospital getting
so bent out of shape over a woman who plans to express and bottle feed
before :p

One reason for going to the meeting would be to report the incident to the
legal department of the hospital because it seems to me that the employee
has put the hospital at risk for legal action from the couple, but I would
be skeptical about going on my own. I'd want an extra person in my corner
there: as a witness about what happens at the meeting, to present a show of
strength, and to help me reign in my own feelings if I were overcome by
anger in the meeting because I have a dangerously low tolerance for blatant
homophobia.  The tone of the 'invitation' is what makes me say this, not the
idea of the meeting itself.  There is nothing in Jaye's post that inspires
my confidence in the hospital's desire to do the best for its patients nor
to collaborate with professionals in the community.

To sum up my reaction: don't play ball with the hospital and don't let
them get away with this kind of unprofessional behavior.  And don't go into
the lions' den alone!

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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