Dear all:

I want to address this issue in more depth because, living in New York, it is impossible to escape the recent news stories about sexting unless you completely shut off all sources of media.  I did for at least a day, but even so a huge amount of info permeated.  

I do believe that there are many ways in which humans can violate others and that there are varying degrees of this.  We once had a very heated conversation on Lactnet because a client reported that she felt "raped" by how her nipples were grabbed in the hospital.  This felt terrible to the client, but those who have experienced "rape" felt that such use of the term trivializes their own experiences.  I used to use the term "Nazi" trivially until I was in my early 20s and two tourists from Germany set me straight about how equating a really nasty school teacher who made children kneel on a cement block in the hot sun was not of the same magnitude.  So I bristle when people use the term Nazi to describe those who try (however unsuccessfully) to help women breastfeed.  It is not an appropriate term to be used in any other context.

When I saw that post, I really just read the words "breastfeeding" in place of all the other words and clearly didn't think about the many ways in which the term "sexting" is used in ill-defined ways.  

To me the term means two individuals that converse about an intimate act via a phone that texts.  Since phones now take pictures, that can include photos.  We all use our cell phones for personal conversations, full well knowing that every word we say can be captured and listened to be someone else.  I think most of us are a little more careful with photos over our phones.  Facebook is another huge quagmire of questionable privacy.  Some people are exhibitionists and don't care and if they are they should be willing to deal with the consequences.   Certainly if you are a politician, you have to be incredibly stupid to not think that someone might pick up anything you do with a cell phone. 

There is a huge difference between sexting between two consenting adults and: 
1) deliberately spamming sexually explicit photos over the internet to strangers
2) putting up links to sexually explicit material from websites frequented by children
3) deliberately sending sexually explicit material to children
4) deliberately stalking someone to find sexually explicit material communicated by that person

It did not occur to me to consider someone would equate sexting with the first three points above, since I did not see anything in the media to suggest that:
1) any minor has complained about receiving inappropriate communication from the politician in question
2) any recipient had complained that the politician in question had spammed them
3) any recipient had complained that they had not also participated in some flirtation interchanges
4) any material communicated had any explicit material that included minors

One of my son's camp counselors who was NEVER accused of any inappropriate behavior with ANY child at any of the schools or camps where he worked, was caught with inappropriate photos of minors on his computer.  That is a serious crime and he was arrested and immediately fired.  To date, I have still not heard any parent complain about the behavior of this person with their own children.  That doesn't mean that ALL the parents are completely in agreement that he needed to be arrested and investigated fully and if found to be guilty punished appropriately -- for the crime that was committed -- which was possession of child pornography.  Children are victimized when they are forced to pose for such photos and sending and spreading it perpetrates the exploitation of children even if that person never directly and physically touches a child inappropriately.

I also have my own firm belief, that others may disagree with, that the politician in question was incredibly stupid because he knew that he was being subjected to point 4) above (he knew that he was being stalked by someone who wanted to catch him in the act) and he already shown have known better because another prominent NY State senator made the same mistake.  And how many politicians need to try lying first before they realize that it doesn't work? That in my mind is simply idiotic.

Nevertheless, in context, the person who wrote that particular post was referring to sexting between two adults who at least started off in a flirtatious exchange.  I haven't read "outrage" from the "victims" of the sexting exploits reported in the media, merely from others who are projecting their own views on the situation.  What I've read is that the degree of interest of one of the "victims" was much less than interpreted by the "perpetrator".  I, in no way, meant to minimize the implications of sexting for this politician's career or his personal life.  

Sincerely,

Susan E. Burger, MHS, PhD, IBCLC

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome