Ellen writes:
My husband brought home the current Harper's with this article, based on
(or excerpted from) the book "The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood
Undermines the Status of Women" by Elisabeth Badinter. I tried to be objective
while scanning it the first time, but it is upsetting (really, just the
premise is upsetting). I did not like it, and I suspect that most of you will
not like (or agree) with it, but it is definitely worth a read, as we will be
hearing about it again.
~~~
Ellen and all,
I heard about this article from someone I know in another venue of my life,
who is single and childless. Although I value other people's opinions, I
haven't read it. I decided that at this point my heart has been attacked for
so many years, as a LLLLeader and an IBCLC and advocate for
maternal/child health and wellbeing, that I will not read this stuff alone anymore. If
anyone in my area wants to get together and discuss it, I would try.
This is the email I sent to my friend after she mentioned the article...
"It's so sad that a normal woman's biological behavior has become fraught
with so much negative emotions. ( Then again, there are women who believe
that all sexual behavior between women and men is a form of oppression and
should be avoided, so there are precedents of sorts. )This kind of writing
also spends a lot of energy dividing women, making all women less able to
get the support they need in their role as mothers, whatever specifics they
embrace. Also we live in a culture which gives the whole issue a sort of
lip service, but very little actual support, societally speaking. Stating
facts about the differences in health outcome for both mothers and babies when
babies breastfeed or not, is considered fair game for abuse and
name-calling. It actually feels painful and quite mortifiying to be called a
Breastfeeding Nazi, but there is never any outrage about that kind of abuse. For
some reason it is tolerated, and published in otherwise well-written
magazines and newspapers, and I've heard it on TV as well. It's not the first time,
it's actually been happening for years, but it won't be the last. I think
women should be angry about the lack of support and correct information
they receive in this culture, I just wish they would use it to build up rather
than tear down, other women. "
In her position as loving, older, single aunt, my friend may have less
negativity than some other women, lacking any intimate personal experience, and
is also in a position to learn so she can support her nieces if they
become mothers at some point. I can't imagine the pain a woman is going through
when she writes something like this ( working from the theory that pain
often becomes anger). But I do know how it feels to be attacked over and over
again by this kind of writing and communicating. It's good to know when
articles like this get published, if only to be aware that issues might arise
from it. Ellen, you are a stronger person than I am for reading it and I
thank you.
Peace,
Judy
Judy LeVan Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY, USA
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