Vicky, your post brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you for sharing (part of) your story!
The more I learn, the sadder I feel for the children that miss out on so 
much of what good parenting and secure attachment bring to a human life.
A lot may be cought up with, fortunately, if the circumstances allow.
That doesn't justify, though, that justice allows for the damage in the 
first place and forbids the healing practices.
Good suggestion, Karleen, to try and come up with fundamental differences 
between all kinds of loving parental behaviour.

Bye,

Marianne Vanderveen IBCLC, Netherlands


-----Oorspronkelijk bericht----- 
From: vicky york
Sent: Friday, February 04, 2011 6:43 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: foster parenting

This is getting a little off topic but I was raised in 26 foster homes 
starting
as a baby as were my brothers.  I don't remember being hugged or loved until 
I
got to one when I was 13. I stayed there for 5 years and she saved my life. 
Some
of the memories that stand out for me the most were:
1. when there was a freezing spell I got to come out of my unheated upstairs
bedroom and sleep downstairs with my foster mom. We laid in bed and laughed 
and
told stories.

2. when I was quite sick with the flu she had me sleep with her so she could
keep an eye on me and she wrapped her arms around me when I had the chills. 
I
can still smell her skin. And I believe babies remember smell for a long 
time
and it's important.

3. when I started my first period I hemorrhaged and she had me sleep with 
her,
again so she could keep an eye on me.

4. we watched tv on the couch eating popcorn with her arm around me.
5. she helped me shop for my first bra.

It was the intimate things that made me feel like I belonged to the family. 

             ***********************************************

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