Jeanette wrote: "One point that I wanted to make, and I think Heather was 
alluding at it, is that babies THRIVE when in close attachment with a 
caretaker...even if the caretaker is there and then is gone.  They have then 
learned trust and can learn to trust again.
The American viewpoint of the bonding is of a child to ONE mother-figure, 
ONE father-figure, etc...  This is not the reality in most of the world, 
where children are raised in multigenerational homes, with many caretakers 
who are loving and consistent in their loving care for the child.  I would 
then see the foster mother as part of this continuum of care, and not one 
who would "bond and then leave" the child making them feel abandoned."

Exactly, Jeanette. This is also what I meant to say with: "The foster mom 
may become a safe haven for the rest of the child's life, even if he does 
return to his natural family... so valuable, so important, so (possibly) 
life saving!"

The child may need to relearn trust and how it feels to be loved and valued 
and cherished and cuddled.
The foster mom can offer that, also on and on-and-off basis later on, when 
the child can go to her for a good conversation or a nice afternoon or a 
warm hug.
Especially the fact that bf *does* have so many beautiful characteristics 
and is not only about food, could achieve this closeness and bonding.
The child going back to the biological parents does not mean that the bond 
with the foster mom has to be *broken*.
Even if it would no longer be a daily reality, it could still be an 
existential reality, a person that would always be there when things get 
rough, part of the otherwise non-existent extended family.
It is so sad, that legal reasons would prevent this...

Bye,

Marianne Vanderveen IBCLC, Netherlands (and out of posts now ;o))

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