On 03/07/2010, at 12:03 AM, heather wrote:

>> Morgan
>> I think everything has been said. I am sorry this happened to you. I think that you were censored as much for refusing to attack other women as for trying to tell the truth about formula.  I loved(!) Blundell's "The support's really skewed towards beastfeeding." Hmmm ... I am looking at the British stats ... fewer than 1% of women are able to avoid giving their babies any infant formula ... yes, poor British mothers, they really are suffering unimaginable pressure to breastfeed ... o please.
> 
> 
> Ah, but Nina....this is what many *feel* is happening to them.  I believe them.
> 
> Of course, the objective reality is that the pressure culturally, socially and in many cases, individually,  is to formula feed. In addition, there is massive pressure to breastfeed only  i) for a certain time ii) in a certain way iii) in limited places iv) with limited frequency v) with no exclusivity - even in places where 'everyone breastfeeds', these limitations are real and are experienced every day.
> 
> People fall over backwards to tell women that ff is ok, and not to feel guilty, blah blah blah.
> 
> It doesn't work. They still feel terrible - or angry.
> 
> Every time a formula feeding mother sees a mother who is breastfeeding, *even in a picture* , she may take it as a judgement on her, and as pressure to breastfeed. I have been part of discussions locally where photographs of women breastfeeding on the walls of the maternity unit,  were fiercely objected to, by a midwife,  because they were seen as pressure.
> 
> Mothers who formula feed have told me they got 'looks' from other mothers when they brought out a bottle to feed with. I think this is largely imagined - but if they catch someone looking, they think it is critical.
> 
> I have read blistering on-line debates where mothers who formula feed *demand* that formula be permited to be advertised, and marketed like any other consumer product. The fact that it *isn't*, is, they say, further pressure to breastfeed.
> 
> Many women who formula feed feel judged, even when they are not judged.  I dare to say that the experiences are magnified by their own hidden sadness at not bf.  I also think they *are* judged in some instances, but no more than breastfeeding women are judged.
> 
> It's all part of the way women are not really free to choose.
> 
> Yet every time something is seen or heard about bf, it *is* experienced as pressure - this feeling is real and may cause real heartbreak. How can you admit to heartbreak, though,  when all around you are saying it doesn't really matter? 'Cos formula is just as good, and bf 'benefits' are illusory, and formula is scientific etc etc. So let's just get angry with other women, especially other bf women with their 'looks', instead; lets rail against the beautiful pictures of breastfeeding women on the walls, looking peaceful and happy; lets  complain about women breastfeeding a baby 'in public' or continuing to breastfeed a child deemed to be 'too old';  lets insist she allows her partner to give formula, so he can 'bond' as well and not be jealous. And so on.
> 
> :(
> 
> 
>> Heather said "When women do not breastfeed, particularly if the bottle feeding that is done is done in a 'non-breastfeeding-like' way,   something happens.  Then,  to protect themselves from this, they find themselves denying that anything regrettable has happened....they may even decide that what happened was good."
>> Heather, what you have described is called 'Cognitive Dissonane' in the Psych literature.  If you are interested, google "Friginger" + "Cognitive Dissonance".
> 
> Indeed - but you mean Festinger, I think?? I agree, this does indeed describe it.
> 
> Heather Welford Neil
> NCT bfc, tutor, UK
> 
> -- 
> http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk
> 
> http://heatherwelford.posterous.com
> 
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