For some of these parents, it may very well be about the parents, not
the children. However, I suspect that there are some parents who parent
their babies in a 'distant' style because that is what someone has
convinced them is best for their babies. Then, when the children get a
little older, the parents notice the distance between them and their
kids, and try to compensate by hovering.
Christine Bussman
[log in to unmask] wrote:
> This was Rachel Myr's title to a very good post....
>
> <<food gets spoiled, children suffer>>
>
> And I don't want to mitigate any of the other wonderful posts on this
> topic, but something has been sort of mulling around in my rather old brain....
>
> An article in Time Magazine not too very long ago talked about the
> "helicopter parent". Basically it was referring to the fact that parents of today
> -- I think I'm past that since my baby is now 25 -- are incredibly
> overprotective. From buying the latest gadget to protect them from anything from
> scrapes on the knees when they are crawling to running interference in
> terms of grades on an exam or acceptance into the college of their choice --
> parents are hovering at an alarming level.
>
> And yet we, as lactation consultants, are seeing the opposite. We are
> seeing parents that absolutely Will. Not. Hover. Will not hold their babies
> for fear of spoiling. Want their babies on a schedule (which our hospitals
> feed into -- "every three hours" -- but that is another rant for another
> time). Put babies into the nursery for the night -- "sure, go ahead, give
> a bottle." Separate from the birth experience with induction, epidurals,
> C/Section on demand, etc etc.
>
> I guess my question is -- and I'm not sure it has to do with
> breastfeeding, but perhaps it does.... why such a disconnect between what we are seeing
> in the birthing room and the hospital and the early days of
> parenting.....and the "hovering" behaviors of parents of preschoolers thru young
> adulthood?
>
> I'm afraid to say this, but I must. Is it because it is all about ME? My
> baby's independence and ability to sleep through the night at an early age
> prove that I am a good parent (a la Ezzo), and later on, my *hovering* to
> make sure my offspring are top in everything -- sports, music, art,
> reading, history, ivy league nursery schools to ivy league colleges to an eminent
> position on Wall Street -- prove again that I am The. Best. Parent. Ever.
>
> Wow.
>
> How can we teach our new moms and dads to just adore and love their babies
> and children and keep them close and then allow them the independence they
> need without *hovering* inappropriately.
>
> True confession: I'm a grandmother, and looking back, I know that I hover
> more than my parents ever did. Hopefully not inappropriately.
>
> And now that my *baby* is getting married -- as the mother of the groom, I
> have learned three things: "Show up, shut up, and wear beige." But in
> true defiant style, the duct tape I use to keep my mouth shut will be
> PURPLE!!
>
>
> Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC, FILCA
> Lactation Education Consultants
> _www.lactationeducation.com_ (http://www.lactationeducation.com/)
>
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