Dear Friends:

Marlene ( and welcome to you!) brings up a very interesting question, about
using our own voices in our work.

In the beginning of my career, I was trained not to show any emotions. This
was called "professional" behavior and was encouraged. "Don't weep when the
baby dies because the parents need you to be strong." This carried into my
work with childbirth education and breastfeeding help. One of the senior
educators was held up as a role model because parents never knew how she
felt about "breast or bottle". She had so completely submerged her voice and
was completely focused on making sure the parents were free to make a
choice.

Fast forward to the cases that I remember and regret the most. Ones such as
this one: The mother wanted to breastfeed, was having trouble, had been told
by her doctor that it really didn't make any difference, and who asked me,
"What would you recommend?" Me, who wanted to keep her job as hospital LC,
and god forbid, not contradict a physician. I bailed out and will always be
sorry.

What I've learned over the years is how to use my voice. This is totally
different to suppressing it.

So I can say, "I understand your doctor said "X". In my professional
opinion, based on my experience and research, I have to disagree. Here's
why."

I can say, after a mother tells me that she quit breastfeeding after 3 days,
"Oh, I am so sorry to  hear that. What happened." (instead of the "Hurray,
you breastfed for 3 days and maybe next baby you'll breastfeed for 4!!)

I can say, after hearing a heartbreaking story from a mother who has
survived the slaughter of a technologically driven birth, "I am so upset
after hearing what you went through....I can't imagine how YOU must feel."

In these cases, I honor my feelings without asking the mother to take care
of them. I provide a sounding board for her to lean on, a true support. She
is telling me her story. I would be a robot if I didn't react somehow. My
job is to do it in a way that augments her expression. This can include
disagreeing with her, and asking her to consider another point of view.

What do you all think?

warmly,
Nikki Lee

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