hi there,
this is indeed a strange case...
i stumbled over this part:
"Basically, if things keep up, however, it will be a self-fulfilling
prophecy: she will not have enough milk for her daughter b/c she only
"tries" to nurse her a few times a day, only when I'm there, etc."
if people are buried so deep in their own ideas about something, it's
better to get into their game, but to bend the "rules" a bit so they
start to make some sense and don't hurt anyone.
i don't think that pure reason will do much good here...
(i found some text in chinese though:
http://www.womenshealth.gov/pub/BF.Chinese.pdf)
maybe for her the best thing would be a "prescription" of a strict
schedule, like she has to nurse (or to try to nurse...) every 2 hours
for at least 10 minutes and you give her a officially looking
spreadsheet where she can make a hook for the "prescribed" feedings.
and you promise her some of your milk every 2 or 3 days, as some kind
of treat or "medication" for the baby (tell her, as your baby is
already a year old, the milk is too "strong" for a newborn and
therefore has to be rationed).
hth,
nina
2009/9/11 MacBump <[log in to unmask]>:
> I can't remember what I've posted here but I have a neighbour from China who
> specifically asked me before her daughter was born if I would donate some
> milk for her daughter. She is convinced *canadian* milk is better than her
> milk, and that she won't have enough and that it is *canadian* milk that has
> made Tristan grow so fat and healthy ;-) (not that it's entirely wrong, but
> it's *breastmilk* and genetics, not just *my* milk--hopeless to get her to
> grasp that with her limited English).
>
> Anyhow. I have ABSOLUTELY NO HOPE of convincing her that her milk is "just
> as good, if not better" than my milk *for her baby*. It's a lost cause. But
> I did tell her that her milk is, and always will be better for her baby than
> formula milk...especially following on the heels of the melamine scare in
> China, I think she *does* believe that. She has been "trying" to nurse but
> she said she would "try" and I keep telling her to be positive, and say she
> *will* etc. Basically, if things keep up, however, it will be a
> self-fulfilling prophecy: she will not have enough milk for her daughter b/c
> she only "tries" to nurse her a few times a day, only when I'm there, etc.
> I tell her the baby is sticking her tongue out and mouthing her hands and
> is hungry, and she nurses, and seems happy to (smiling etc.) but does not
> initate feeds for the most part. I *have* catered to her beliefs and given
> her a few ounces of milk for her baby, b/c I *know* otherwise she is giving
> the baby formula. Neither will make her produce more milk (giving my milk or
> giving formula) but obviously my milk is at least still human milk and will
> be better in that regard than formula, even if Tristan is a boy, a year
> older, etc. Also, hopefully it *smells* and tastes more like "a mom" so
> perhaps there is less chance at baby "learning to like" formula...
>
> Yesterday when I took in about an ounce of milk, she wanted to feed it right
> away. I kind of insisted she nurse first. The baby latched on well, sucked,
> swallowed, etc. and came off and cried. And she then *really* wanted to give
> my good quality canadian milk...which the baby downed, burped, and was
> "happy" after. She has colostrum, baby is pooping and peeing well (and has
> barely had any formula thanks to a little milk from me so far, not much
> though, so most is from the lady's supply itself). I just don't know what
> else to do. She now has "more proof" that she doesn't have enough milk due
> to the baby sucking back the ounce or less I gave her last night and there
> is a MAJOR language barrier. I speak very slowly, clearly, use EASY words
> and concepts, and I know she listens but I don't think she grasps the idea
> that her baby should be nursing A LOT right now, not just a few times a day.
> I *think* she wants to BF, really *wants* to, but it is hard to tell 100%,
> and plus I know her well enough to know she won't necessarily tell me off if
> she is insulted or doesn't want to...she will probably just put up with me
> and do what she wants when I'm not around.
>
> I don't want this to become *my* cruisade, I want her to know I'm here for
> her and will help her 100%, but I CAN.NOT.PROVIDE the milk her baby needs
> long-term unless I nurse her myself 100% of the time ;-) so either she needs
> to get some courage and nurse her or give up the dream or whatever you call
> it...and if she's nursing 3-4x a day for 2-5 min. it won't cut it as we all
> know...
>
> She's scared to "spoil" the baby by holding it all the time. It's sad, b/c
> the one thing I *do* know is she wants the baby fed human milk, and even if
> she'd rather it was mine ;-) I *do* think she believes hers is at least
> better than formula...
>
> Anyhow. I'm kind of just venting but WDYT about the situation?? WWYD?
>
> For the record, baby was born at 1:48 am Sept 8, mom's milk is not yet in
> (or if it is, it has come in this afternoon since my last visit at noon).
> She was born from a normal spontaneous labour with no augmentation, little
> pain relief (a bit of laughing gas...), vacuum extraction after almost 2 hrs
> of pushing. This is a G2,P2 mom, this labour was harder and longer than her
> first. Baby was separated from mom for a full 40-45 min. after the birth
> despite me saying numerous times she was *hungry* and asking when she could
> have her... (yes, I was at the delivery; she is alone in Canada with few
> female friends and she invited me...). Baby latched on really well despite
> suctioning for mec. in amniotic fluid upon birth, and suckled well and
> obviously was getting colostrum...for all of about 2 min. before the nurse
> came back and insisted the baby be taken off the breast so she could take
> mom's vitals etc. By the time baby went back to the breast again, 50-60
> min. after the birth she was sleepy and not very interested in nursing. At
> that point it was 3:30 am, my 1yo son was liable to wake anytime soon again
> to nurse (at home with his dad) and I *really* needed to go. I felt I had
> gone above and beyond *my* call of duty. I went back to the hospital the
> next day around noon, again in the evening, and saw her yesterday twice too.
> Several other good latches with swallowing have been had since then. I am
> *hoping* her milk comes in soon and she realizes just how much she can have.
> ;-)
> (by the way I am not doing any of this "in the name of" any specific
> organization, just to be clear. I nursed Tristan, and still do, in front of
> her, and both she and her husband approached me separately, timidly, and
> asked if I would donate milk. I am honoured, truely I am, it just is not
> the "right" thing, since I know she *can* BF if she works at it...)
>
> Lastly, other than the LLLI website that has chinese pages (which I
> accessed) does anyone else have any other *good quality* online pages in
> chinese characters for her? Things that talk about how it's ok to hold a
> baby and not spoil it, how to ensure having enough milk (by nursing
> frequently) etc.?
> Thanks!
>
> Fio
>
> --
> --
> Children's Restraint System Technician (CRST), BF volunteer, and most
> importantly, Maman to Sandrine, 9yo, Nyssa 6.5yo, and Tristan, born 11 aug
> 2008.
> Cost of a carseat: $150
> Time it takes to buckle it up properly: a few seconds of your day.
> Making sure your child gets home safely: PRICELESS.
>
> http://www.rabais-coupons.com pour des coupons virtuels
>
>
>
> --
> --
> Children's Restraint System Technician (CRST), BF volunteer, and most
> importantly, Maman to Sandrine, 9yo, Nyssa 6.5yo, and Tristan, born 11 aug
> 2008.
> Cost of a carseat: $150
> Time it takes to buckle it up properly: a few seconds of your day.
> Making sure your child gets home safely: PRICELESS.
>
> http://www.rabais-coupons.com pour des coupons virtuels
>
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Because the Medieval Church, with the support of kings, princes and
secular authorities, controlled medical education and practice, the
Inquisition constitutes, among other things, an early instance of the
"professional" repudiating the skills and interfering with the rights
of the "nonprofessional" to minister to the poor. -Thomas Szasz, The
Manufacture of Madness-
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