Karen said:
I learnt much from this case............not the least being to find more
ways to acknowledge the overwhelming pain and emotional torment that some
experience and that the LC can be the target for all the
anger/disappointment/confusion/distrust/shame they now associate with the
very thought of breastfeeding.

...and this is the message that I try to teach nurses, dietitians, and other
health care providers when it comes to helping breastfeeding mothers!

In fact, as a La Leche League Leader who had a degree in Social Work long
before becoming an IBCLC or RN - I found that THAT was a much more important
skill - and as a Leader and a Social Worker I was taught how to deal with
the EMOTIONS the mom was feeling much more than with the angles of latch,
science of milk production or other "evidence-based" knowledge.  Moms DO
want to know we know this stuff - but FIRST we have to reach their
emotions...and they need to feel "heard"... 

When we DO reach them at their emotional level - they feel heard, understood
and then are ready to work with us on a solution...

One metaphor for this is:

I kind of imagine someone drowning in an ocean (an apt thought thanks to the
US weather lately) - if I just "give instructions" from the lifeboat - she
doesn't hear me - if I throw in a flotation device - she grabs onto it so
tightly that she will sink - but if I go in WITH her - wearing a life-vest
and offering one for her (and her husband and other family members) also -
then she calms down, feels that I'm really on her side - and begins to use
her own skills and the life-vest I provided to resolve her problems.

My job is to maintain the ability to listen to the moms - and at times hear
from them... "this is too hard - I can't do this"!  (remember rule #3 - the
mother is RIGHT - it's one of the hardest ones to follow!)

An example of this was a mom (a co-worker) who called me last Friday - baby
born in emergency c/s now in NICU and refusing to breastfeed - I offered a
visit her at the hospital that day, but she said no the nurses were
there...I then called her on Saturday - again, she refused, saying she was
already getting too many instructions from different people - then I called
on Sunday, she and baby were going home but first to her in-laws, so again
she refused a visit - on Monday when I called she was overwhelmed, in tears
and again refused my visit - so I explained that my calls were to provide
help because SHE had called ME - but that I would no longer call her again
unless she called me...she said OK - her in-laws were coming to take care of
the baby and she and her husband were too exhausted to think straight.

So I figured, that was a lost cause...

The very next day she called - she had slept well the night before, her
in-laws in charge of the baby, she had pumped 2x during the night.  She had
tried breastfeeding during the day, but baby, already used to bottles,
refused to breastfeed but she wanted me to come "for one last try". 

Well, we DID get the baby latched on - and he has been exclusively
breastfeeding (though using a nipple shield) ever since.  She is still
overwhelmed and exhausted and calls me with questions like "when will this
get easier".  It is important I respond to her and how SHE is feeling, even
though I want to say "hey, buck up - babies are WORK whether breastfed or
bottle-fed!  In fact, you have no idea what lack of sleep is until you've
spend weeks dealing with ear infections..."  but no, I reflect back how
frustrated she feels - and yet how proud she is that her baby has had NO
BOTTLES since my visit - then I answer her questions and offer
encouragement.  Will she hang in there?  Who knows?  

...but I've offered the live-vest and so far she seems to be learning to
swim!


Jeanette Panchula
California, USA

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome