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This was on Lactnet (we've been discussing length of breastfeeding of the
first and subsequent children; most mothers nursing subsequent children longer
than their first. Carole -- did you nurse Maren longer than Soren?
Anyway, this came up, and this is Diane's response, and I'm wondering if we
shouldn't include it somewhere in our course. I was thinking, Linda, of
Reiss' mom who really only loves Riley and is having such a hard time bonding to
Reiss. And of my own fear that I wouldn't love my second child as much as my
first -- and my fear of telling anyone -- how can you admit such a thing???
***********************************************************
weaning the new baby early
"I'm always surprised at moms who=20
nurse the first for a year and then opt to bottle feed the next because =
they=20
don't feel they can sit down and nurse a newborn while managing a =
toddler...
Some of these moms aren't as overwhelmed as they are concerned that =
they are=20
doing the first baby an injustice by not being able to attend to the =
first=20
baby's every whim and want."
I've come to see these moms in a different light. Our births don't =
support immediate, solid bonds with our babies. We grow those bonds =
over time. Then the next "little stranger" appears. We have at least =
some urge to do what any sensible mammal would do: invest our energies =
in the "keeper" - the healthy 2 or 3 year old to whom we're now stuck =
like glue. And if that means bottle-feeding the newcomer, so be it. =20
The most dramatic example I've seen (and I haven't seen more than a few =
ever) was the mom who nursed her first for 10 months and worked hard for =
the first week or two to get her 37-or-so weeker breastfeeding. Then =
her blooming, healthy 2 year old came home from grandma's... and she =
dropped her breastfeeding efforts like a hot potato. Her husband was =
desolate, but she was unmoveable. Had I understood at the time what the =
likely biology was behind her feelings, I could have talked to her on =
that level, but I didn't. The weaning was permanent, at a couple weeks =
of age. From a mammalian perspective, her decision made perfect sense.
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