Hello , I just had a very interesting conversation with my mother. She
remembered being told by her mother to  "Be happy when you are giving baby
the breast " , to reinforce it she would also pinch my mother - hard. In
case someone is wondering my mom did the same thing to me. My mother also
told me that that nursing was really hard for her , and she did not like the
feeling of someone hanging off her nipple. She was also almost certainty
depressed for some of that time. Despite all of this she nursed me until I
was 3. I do not remember feeling her resentment . She also expressed for the
first year enough for another baby / his mother was not able to nurse /  and
to bathe me in milk once a week. My mother remembers that she attempted to
stop nursing me when I was 1 y. old , but she needed a prescription from the
doctor for baby food.  She went to the doctor , a GP , and said that she did
not have enough milk . The Doctor looked at me , looked at my mothers
breasts ,  squeezed , got a fountain of milk in his face and told her to go
home and feed the baby. Of course at that time Russia had a 2 year paid
maternity leave plus 1 year unpaid.
   My grandmother tells me that she had my aunt in 1940 , then in 1941 the
war started and she and her parents and brothers ended up in Siberia , in a
really hostile climate. Her mother would not let her stop nursing despite my
grandmother being hungry all the time , and having to work very hard
physically. There were no horses and women were harnessed instead of horses
to plow the fields and such. Still thru it all she nursed , she remembers
how when they ate the only meal they had -diner ,  her parents and brothers
would brake off half of the potato or bread and give it  to her - because
she was nursing.  She nursed my aunt until she was 4. By the way she also
did not like nursing. But you did not do it for "like " you did it for the
baby .
  I think this might be the key. I was brought up conditioned that a mother
and a father have to sacrifice for the sake of the children. I have cooked
meals , when I thought I might fall down , I have nursed , when I could not
bear any one touching me , changed toddler diapers while pregnant
and nosiated. Mommas do this. It is an investment  , for if we do things as
best we can , and if G-d in his mercy wills it , we get to see our kids
blossom.

     I also want to note that I did not see anything regarding Mothers with
sensory issues , it usually runs in families , it does in mine , but it can
be overcome with proper therapy.  When I applied to myself things , that OT
was doing for my daughter nursing become a lot easier.

P.S. It seems that my troubles with the Dept. Of Ed. are resolved , at least
no one has contacted me yet. I want to say again how grateful I am for all
the support I got. Thank you.

Henya Kazatchkov
Brooklyn N.Y.


On Wed, Aug 13, 2008 at 5:51 PM, Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Jamelle notes that I did not provide any evidence for the notion that a
> child could be affected negatively if the mother breastfed despite
> disliking
> breastfeeding.  She is correct, of course, as it was conjecture on my part,
> born of concern for mothers who aren't enjoying that part of mothering and
> may not feel that they can tell it to anyone.
>
> The ensuing discussion has been illuminating, and has helped me to see
> things in many different lights, and I feel less concerned now than I did
> when I wrote those words.  Jamelle is right, too, that so much of what we
> think is absolute truth is simply culturally determined and thus very
> difficult to catch sight of when we are part of the culture.  But I hope I
> didn't frame my thoughts so bombastically that they came across as
> something
> I believe to be an unavoidable outcome; I was thinking at the keyboard as
> it
> were, writing down my thoughts to get a better handle on them, so we could
> all continue the thread.
>
> I still think that if someone is going against deep aversive feelings in
> order to breastfeed, it will be difficult for her to conceal that from the
> nursling, but I'm willing to concede that it is possible, and that the very
> continuation of breastfeeding might help to reduce her aversion, and that
> it
> might not even matter if she still has it.  Heaven knows I see plenty of
> women who are experiencing excruciating pain and continue to feed as we try
> to solve their problems, and I am not concerned about how their babies are
> coping with the situation.  And I would never, not ever, tell a woman who
> feels ambivalent or aversive about breastfeeding but is feeding anyway,
> about my speculations, unless I had some kind of evidence about its
> effects,
> because, after all, what alternative is there?
>
> Rachel Myr
> who *loved* breastfeeding because it was the only time I could read a book
> undisturbed and the children thought I was paying attention to them - how's
> that for being present while being absent?
>
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