Mary, 

 

You are right on in my opinion.  If they don't want to they will find a way
not to.  Now, some moms KNOW they don't want to and know why they don't want
to.  They say they want to 'get past' the issue and yet do nothing to
actually get past the issue other than acknowledge they have an issue.  In
this case it is very difficult for the LC to do anything but support to the
best of her ability and to recognize when it is time to walk away letting
the mom know if she needs anything to call.  I have had to do this many
times.it sucks.

 

I have had an interesting couple of phone calls in the past week or so.  Got
hung up on once and passed off to grandma the 2nd.  Both moms called in
distress.  Both getting engorged, nipples terribly traumatized.  Now,
generally I am great with these moms and can not only calm them down but
also help them formulate a plan of action to get them healed, un-engorged
and feed the baby.  But these two weren't having ANY of it.  Neither was
interested in pumping.  They flat out refused.  Neither was interested in
hand expression.  One told me "I will NOT handle my breasts that way -
that's gross!"  yikes!  Neither was interested in supplementing with ABM -
at all.  Wasn't going to happen.  They wanted me to give them advice that
would fix ALL of their issues over the phone until I could see them the next
day.

 

I told both the same thing:  You are in pain with direct breastfeeding; your
breasts are engorged and you are in pain from that; the baby is crying
constantly wanting to eat; You won't supplement with ABM; You need to get
the milk out and feed the baby - don't worry about nipple confusion (a big
worry for both) we can fix it if it happens.  If you wait until I get there
tomorrow you will be in such a state I won't be able to help you the way you
want me too.  I can't help you latch your baby to a rock hard breast.

 

One got so frustrated when I said gently, "I know you don't want to do this
(pump), but if you want to breastfeed this child you have to take care of
you too and get that milk out (she stated she was rock hard with
engorgement) and the best way to do that is pump or hand express."  She
threw the phone at her mom (I know this because the mom protested "Don't
throw the phone at me!!") and left poor grandma to figure out what to do
next.  I gave grandma the information on where to go to get a pump and what
to do (they were in a neighboring town) and for her to hang in there.  I
haven't heard from them since.

 

The other (who hung up on me) told me quite frankly, "I don't like what you
are saying.  I'm not doing that and if you can't come over tonight and fix
this then &*$% you."  And hung up!!  Honestly, I was floored, then had to
laugh.  Goodness, it was 8:30pm!  Haven't heard from her either.go figure.

 

Clearly these moms were very angry with their situations.  I was the
scapegoat - oh well.  I'm actually interested in what they will say about me
later.hmmm.  Anyway, it really made me wonder why they called if they were
both completely unwilling to do what would help them the best.  I know I am
good at what I do but, darn it all, I can't find my magic wand and fix it
all over the phone.darn me.  And it made me wonder if they were made to call
somehow (like the hubby who wants it more, etc).I would say 95% of the moms
who call me will do anything they have to do to get to breastfeeding.  They
don't care what it is.  As long as they have support - they can do it, or
will at least give as much as they can until they can give no more.  So what
is it that has that other 5% calling asking for help and completely
non-compliant and uninterested and refusing to do what will save their
breastfeeding relationship?  I have my own theories.but I still find it
fascinating.  And quite honestly, I hope I don't get hung up on or sworn at
again!  

 

Interesting topic.to be sure.  Lots of theories on this one and it would be
interesting to discuss better ways to work with these women - but I also
know that women in that situation need a lot more intensive counseling than
many of us have the time (and possibly the professional level skill) to deal
with.

 

Warmly,

 

Jaye Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM

Breastfeeding Network

Sacramento, CA

www.breastfeedingnetwork.net

 


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