----- Original Message ----- 
From: "MacBump" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 10:09 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] tandem nursing after baby is born, was: kids that "get 
it"

**Hello Fio,

I haven't been in your situation, so I may not be experienced enough in this 
area, but I have a question after having read your post.

 I always knew though, that had we had weight gain problems or a newborn who 
seemed unsatisfied, that I would have had to make the older one share...I 
would have probably tried to do so mostly while she wasn't around or was not 
noticing.

**I wondered about this. Wouldn't it be a very valuable experience for an 
older child to just be confronted with the fact that the younger sibling has 
the same rights as the older one when at that age...? Don't you think 
children are able to understand how important breastfeeding is for the new 
baby, just like it was for them? Wouldn't that make a wonderful conversation 
with sweet memories...?
Somehow what you describe, seems a bit like advocating 'closet nursing' 
within the family, hiding from the toddler what you are doing with the baby, 
to prevent... well, to prevent what...?
In an other area, we sort of always made this choice of giving the attention 
to the one that 'deserves' it. When one child had her birthday, the other 
three would *not ever* get presents and would have to accept that the 
birthday kid was in the center of the focus that day. Maybe you could work 
your way around things or problems (that are only by the adults perceived to 
be(come) problems), but isn't it so that kids have to learn to sometimes 
accept what they don't like, simply because this time it is not their turn, 
but someone else's...? Isn't it the same with husbands, who don't want to 
share with a baby? ;-)
When toddlers are three, four, five, six years old, you can most certainly 
explain things to them in a way they can understand. You can help them 
overcome their difficulty with certain situations (if any... why would they 
be 'jealous' if the parents still clearly show their love...?) and apply 
active listening when they get emotional, but I think they should also learn 
to grant another person something that is special or important and enjoy 
being a witness to that.
I think it can be very empowering to young children if we explain them what 
goes on, in a gentle, understandable way that makes clear that you expect 
them to understand that and act accordingly.
Can't start early enough with empowerment... :o))

Warmly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands

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