----- Original Message -----
From: "MacBump" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 10:09 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] tandem nursing after baby is born, was: kids that "get
it"
**Hello Fio,
I haven't been in your situation, so I may not be experienced enough in this
area, but I have a question after having read your post.
I always knew though, that had we had weight gain problems or a newborn who
seemed unsatisfied, that I would have had to make the older one share...I
would have probably tried to do so mostly while she wasn't around or was not
noticing.
**I wondered about this. Wouldn't it be a very valuable experience for an
older child to just be confronted with the fact that the younger sibling has
the same rights as the older one when at that age...? Don't you think
children are able to understand how important breastfeeding is for the new
baby, just like it was for them? Wouldn't that make a wonderful conversation
with sweet memories...?
Somehow what you describe, seems a bit like advocating 'closet nursing'
within the family, hiding from the toddler what you are doing with the baby,
to prevent... well, to prevent what...?
In an other area, we sort of always made this choice of giving the attention
to the one that 'deserves' it. When one child had her birthday, the other
three would *not ever* get presents and would have to accept that the
birthday kid was in the center of the focus that day. Maybe you could work
your way around things or problems (that are only by the adults perceived to
be(come) problems), but isn't it so that kids have to learn to sometimes
accept what they don't like, simply because this time it is not their turn,
but someone else's...? Isn't it the same with husbands, who don't want to
share with a baby? ;-)
When toddlers are three, four, five, six years old, you can most certainly
explain things to them in a way they can understand. You can help them
overcome their difficulty with certain situations (if any... why would they
be 'jealous' if the parents still clearly show their love...?) and apply
active listening when they get emotional, but I think they should also learn
to grant another person something that is special or important and enjoy
being a witness to that.
I think it can be very empowering to young children if we explain them what
goes on, in a gentle, understandable way that makes clear that you expect
them to understand that and act accordingly.
Can't start early enough with empowerment... :o))
Warmly,
Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands
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