I think Mary really nailed why this post was really bothering me - and Barb hinting at it with the line that maybe the wine was to cope with the MIL.  I may be over reacting but, my first thought reading this post was, "why isn't the grandma minding her own business?"  and thankfully her son is backing up the wife.  This really sounds like nothing to do with breastfeeding or concern about the baby but is being wrapped as such.  This makes it hard to counsel someone because of the dynamics, will all these assurances just make her find another reason to control the parents behavior.

I may be taking this a bit too close to heart having had a MIL like this, all concern and wanting to 'help' and knowing it's our life BUT . . .  As I constantly told my husband the but disregards everything that proceeded it in the sentence (because my dh would never go against his mom).  There is no harm being done from this amount of alcohol, adding that it is a 'bigger than normal' bottle means she knows it isn't a lot, but she wants to make it sound like more and she wants backup so she doesn't come off as unreasonable.  Who knows this grandma may want the baby weaned because being breastfed is what is keeping her from giving the parents a 'break' by having the baby a whole weekend.  Mary is right, they need to find a new babysitting option ASAP and set boundaries.  Because this is a friend of Leanne's she may be looking at it with sympathy at the MIL making this even more difficult.  As I said, BTDT, I wouldn't doubt that grandma keeps pointing out how she 'sacrificed' by leaving everything and everyone, moving 500 plus miles to 'help' and isn't being appreciated.

So while Leanne is asking for different opinions to help her friend how she should approach this, the friend won't like to hear it.  It isn't her business, she is way overstepping her bounds and needs to defer to the parents on all decisions regarding the baby - no buts about it.  As for permission to post - grandma is in no position to give permission for this, as I said she is looking for backup that DIL is all wrong and will keep searching until she finds it, even if she has to make it up (BTDT too).

Good luck Leanne - sorry I can't be of more help except to watch yourself, you will probably get more calls like this unless you let her know you will only help if the mom requests it.  This is the only way my mother was able to end the phone calls from my MIL about what to do about me, why won't I do as my MIL wants, etc (I really leared to appreciate my mother!!!).

Felicia Henry, IBCLC, BCCE
Oxnard, CA
and soon to be packing for the ILCA conference in Las Vegas!  My first non-LLL conference.

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