Susan, In a perfect world, "we" could educate every person who will come into
even casual contact with a new mother.
But, in the world we live in, this is simply not always, or frequently, possible. I
also don't think, as also working as an advocate and volunteer, this is a role
that most people really desire for us to do.
As an IBCLC, I am not trained or equipped to take in a grandmother, whom I
can tell from 20 years in the field, is most likely hostile to either her DIL, the
breastfeeding or both, as my "client."
Is the grandmother going to *hire* me to do this? To train her to be a "better"
grandmother, who is willing to listen to what is known about breastfeeding in
order to help her DIL or daughter?
We have given classes for grandparents, in most places they are sparsely
attended. I do have grandmas come to La Leche League meetings, and they
are usually fantastic ladies! Most of them are usually old LLL members or
retired leaders, themselves. In this case, we have a great time, Moms,
Grandma, Babies, the other women in the group, and myself, with Grandma
telling about "how it was back in the day." I enjoy these meetings, (and as
time goes on I am becoming closer in age to the Grandmas, than to many of
the LLL Moms ;) I am about half way between at this point.) But, it is a case
of "preaching to the choir" and often Grandma at these meetings is VERY open
to new ideas and willing to listen.
But, in a case as the one presented, I see many problems. Is this Grandma
going to WANT to be "my client?" What will my fee be? Is this even part of my
scope of practice as an IBCLC? (I am thinking it may not be. My scope is ONLY
to answer questions concerning breastfeeding and human milk, when asked
and not hired as a Consultant or Teacher, not to act as Family Mediator.)
Also, as I have dealt with situations like this, many times, simply state the
facts to the one telling me the "scary" things about the New Mother, I do NOT
take her as a "client" but ask her to please have the Mother of the Baby call
me for information if she likes. On several occasions, I have had call backs
from these people, (after the baby's mother did call me, and the situation was
not what it was implied to be) and reprimanded for not telling the Baby's
Mother simply what the original caller (I don't want to keep saying "Grandma"
because there are some pretty great and helpful Grandmas out there) wanted
ME to tell her, which was not true. (WOW, run on sentence.)
I have also had similar situations happen with Dads calling me during Divorce
proceedings, or Visitation problems. Of course, I have to tell the truth about
breastfeeding, human milk, how the breast and the Mother's body works, how
separation from Baby affects both baby and mother (and Bonding) and it is
rarely what the people who call on me to "tell on" a Mother want to hear in
these situations.
Maybe someone who has done more "Grandparent" classes can respond as
well. I have found these classes to be either sparsely attended or attended
by, again, the Grandparents who know much about breastfeeding and human
milk etc. The people who would actually benefit the most, don't come. Sorry
to sound so stereotypical, but that is certainly my experience.
But, maybe there should be a completely different field, "Grandparent
Education." But, again, those who would come, would most likely be the ones
least likely to actually NEED the education. And, of course, forcing education
can't be done.
So, the best I can do, as an IBCLC, is to counsel the Mother to make the best
choices for HER baby and her life, to stand up for herself, to make it clear that
this is HER baby, and, usually, to not accept "free babysitting" from those who
have less than really altruistic motives. (And even then, it IS a good idea to
PAY one's child care provider, no matter who it is.) Am I "guessing" what the
motives are? Maybe, but it is an educated guess, and one based on years of
seeing this happen to New Mothers again and again.
Again, in a Perfect World, we could "Educate" the people who do stand in the
way, (or try to) of a Mother Breastfeeding her baby while maintaining her
privacy, but doing this, when the original call was to "tattle" on something the
mother did "wrong" isn't the situation where, usually, the person calling wants
to be "educated." (I mean, the OP said the caller voiced the fear that the
baby would become "Addicted" to alcohol, through the Mother's Milk and was
obviously snooping in the Mother's home, as well as making Assumptions about
just "how much" alcohol she guessed (without proof) the Mother was
consuming. This doesn't sound like someone who really wants education, to
me. What does it sound like?
If anyone has a good way to make this Education work, for those who actually
need the Education about Lactation in today's world, I would be interested in
hearing it.
Thank you.
Mary Jozwiak IBCLC, RLC, LLLL
Private Practice
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