I did the three-step counseling training at ILCA in 2005 (?), so now  
my motto is "WWCCS" (what would Cathy Carothers say?). This woman  
clearly has a barrier to breastfeeding, and the 3-step teaches that  
nothing you say to "educate" this woman will address that barrier  
until you know what it is.
She needs listening, affirming, gentle probing, more affirming, and  
eventually, the issue will reveal itself - at which point, it is most  
often something easily addressed with simple, straightforward education.
You could engage her in conversation again, saying that you'll be at  
the hospital after her baby is born, and is there anything you can do  
to help, and you'll be by to see her to help her stay comfortable  
while her milk dries up - that shows you accept where she's coming  
from in a nice way. If she warms to that, you could say "what led you  
to choose bottle-feeding?" or "Did friends of yours have bad  
experiences breastfeeding?", or the old standby "what have you heard  
about breastfeeding?". Or the more remote "what have you been told  
about how your breasts will change after the baby is born" - she may  
not have been told that she'll go through some discomfort as the milk  
dries up. Anyway - lots of ways to initiate the conversation. The next  
step is to affirm whatever comes out of her mouth. She may say "oh, BF  
is just gross and dirty" and you say "that's a prety common  
sentiment", or "a lot of moms think that" or something that makes you  
cringe that shows your acceptance. That leaves the ball in her court  
to tell you more. By not saying anything other than "tell me more  
about that", you find out what's *really* going on for her.
If you approach her with information, I think she'll totally shut you  
out. I mean, women now *know* that they *should* breastfeed, and they  
can often summarize pretty well the why's. They are defensive and  
sometimes hostile towards the lactivists who they perceive as "shoving  
something down their throats". I'm not saying this is me, I'm just  
saying - she knows she should. But if you can meet her where she is,  
she might open up to you a little bit. And, if you can get her  
talking, you might convince her that just one dose of colustrum is  
really good for the baby, and that would be one more than it would  
have had!

OK, I think I channelled Cathy pretty well there - none of this is my  
ideas, but I find the counseling method that Cathy and Kendall Cox are  
teaching is really really useful. Accept, probe, accept, probe,  
affirm, affirm, affirm, then educate in little bites that fit what  
people are looking for.

Good luck! Easy to be calm and objective from where I sit, isn't it??

Kirsten Berggren, PhD, CLC
www.workandpump.com

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