I strive to practice in what Heather describes as a mother-centered way.
But I also feel quite convinced that it is a rare situation where what is
good for the baby, is not good for the mother, or vice versa, so I don't
think I have the baby very far from the center of the picture either.

One thing I really try to get across to mothers who are struggling with
painful sore nipples, or engorgement, or a disorganized baby who takes a
while to latch, or a baby who is so in love with being held that it
overwhelms the mother, is that Nothing Is Static.  This, too, will pass.
You don't have to make a final decision about any of this.  Not today, not
tomorrow, maybe not ever.  You can take it one day at a time, one
breastfeeding session at a time, one nap at a time.  You can change your
mind ten times in a single day.  You can decide to wait and see how today's
plan works, and see how you feel tomorrow.

If a mother asks 'can I just stop, and give formula in bottles instead', I
let her know that that's not my call, it's hers.  Sometimes they will
volunteer that they will feel incredibly guilty if they choose that.  This
opens up for a productive guilt vs regret discussion.  Again, I don't have
to give them permission.  They don't answer to me, they answer to
themselves.  I do let them know that I am with them for as long as they need
it, regardless of what they decide.

I found that by making an effort to have this awareness of who is in charge,
always, I feel less offended when someone makes a choice I wouldn't.  Of
course I feel sad when a mother decides not to continue breastfeeding, but I
have a hunch that there are fewer of them than there would be if they
perceived me as being the judge of whether they've acted appropriately.  I
know that my opinions are respected, and that my word carries a lot of
weight because of my position in my workplace and in my community.  Perhaps
that is why I feel it all the more essential to be clear about whose life I
try to run, namely my own, which is the most I can handle at the best of
times.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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