A tinge of regret is a valuable emotion, because we can use it to energize
ourselves to make change. Guilt can be important, in extreme situations, but
it's reserved for things we had total control over and yet knowingly chose
to hurt others. Wallowing in guilt is a waste of energy, it paralyzes us,
and it can be a way to keep ourselves from moving ahead. 

I think it is important to remind moms that a tinge of regret, and not the
hammer of guilt, is what is important when breastfeeding did not go well
previously. Regret carries no blame. It just recognizes that whatever
happened was not what we now wish would have happened. 

Moms who say they feel guilty hear from me that, as mothers, we have to
trust that we have always done the best we could with the information,
support, and tools we had at the time. It's all we're doing now! But now we
have better information, we know to ask for more support, and we know where
to find and how to use the tools we need to improve on past experiences.  We
are now ready and empowered and energized to seek to have more of our own
and our children's needs met, such as longer, more joyful breastfeeding
experiences.

It's also important to remember that we do not want to do our best at every
endeavor. We want to use our energy to do our best at what matters most,
like breastfeeding, and being gentle and respectful with children. We need
to give ourselves permission to do "good enough" on things that are less
important than how we care for our children, such as home decorating, and
serving other adults, and minimal effort on things that are relatively
meaningless, such as sartorial splendor in infants. There will be a time for
those, if after everything essential to health and happiness is taken care
of, these rise to the top of the list of what matters.

Arly Helm, MS, IBCLC in the sunny Sierra Nevada Mountains
Where the women are strong, the babies are good looking, and the
breastfeeding rates are above average

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