Karyn-grace, I don't give people permission to do anything either! :)

I am a volunteer breastfeeding counsellor, and we work in a 
mother-centred way (not a baby-centred way, not a breastmilk-centred 
way, but a mother-centred way). I do not think that this way is the 
only way to support breastfeeding, by the way, it's just what  we do. 
Others may work in a different way. In particular, I am never called 
upon to make clinical decisions (though I may be a support for a 
mother throughout other people's clinical input, and these people may 
well consult with me, and with the mother's permission, I will 
respond).

It means I never say to a mother what is 'best' for her to do, even 
if I am asked directly. It means I am always ensuring that power, 
control and decision-making belongs to the mother, even if she 
appears not to want it. It means I never suggest what she 'should' 
do, or 'should not' do.

I am a tutor,  training women to do what I do, and it is sometimes 
very difficult for them to learn about the language and the approach 
that makes being 'mother-centred' as natural as breathing, but they 
do get there.  Personal development and insight is part of this 
journey, too.

I have never (in 25 + years) suggested a mother should stop 
breastfeeding, or give formula, or continue breastfeeding - I find 
out what she wants to do and ensure she has as much information as 
she wants, and support her.

If a mother wants 'permission' to do something, then she'll have to 
ask someone else!  Occasionally, I am upfront with women about this, 
in (I hope) a kind way, with tactful phrasing.  I am able to explain 
to them what a breastfeeding counsellor does, and how this means I 
can't give, or withhold, permission for anything!

The downside of this is that occasionally, women may not find what 
they are looking  for.

But they might find it elsewhere, and that's fine :)

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK

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