Karyn-grace, I don't give people permission to do anything either! :)
I am a volunteer breastfeeding counsellor, and we work in a
mother-centred way (not a baby-centred way, not a breastmilk-centred
way, but a mother-centred way). I do not think that this way is the
only way to support breastfeeding, by the way, it's just what we do.
Others may work in a different way. In particular, I am never called
upon to make clinical decisions (though I may be a support for a
mother throughout other people's clinical input, and these people may
well consult with me, and with the mother's permission, I will
respond).
It means I never say to a mother what is 'best' for her to do, even
if I am asked directly. It means I am always ensuring that power,
control and decision-making belongs to the mother, even if she
appears not to want it. It means I never suggest what she 'should'
do, or 'should not' do.
I am a tutor, training women to do what I do, and it is sometimes
very difficult for them to learn about the language and the approach
that makes being 'mother-centred' as natural as breathing, but they
do get there. Personal development and insight is part of this
journey, too.
I have never (in 25 + years) suggested a mother should stop
breastfeeding, or give formula, or continue breastfeeding - I find
out what she wants to do and ensure she has as much information as
she wants, and support her.
If a mother wants 'permission' to do something, then she'll have to
ask someone else! Occasionally, I am upfront with women about this,
in (I hope) a kind way, with tactful phrasing. I am able to explain
to them what a breastfeeding counsellor does, and how this means I
can't give, or withhold, permission for anything!
The downside of this is that occasionally, women may not find what
they are looking for.
But they might find it elsewhere, and that's fine :)
Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK
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