And thanks Liz, for your clarification, on both lists.
I get it, what you were doing.
I often wonder if the babies are not so much mad "at" the breast, as
they are frustrated by their own disorganization "at" the breast, caused
by the conflict between actually wanting to breastfeed, that innate
desire and drive, but finding it difficult to follow thru on those
instincts because of being disorganized by the negative associations of
being there (from prior shoving etc). Mom also usually looks pretty
upset, but it's not because she doesn't want to breastfeed, but because
she desperately wants to, and is so frustrated and upset by her
experience. I think baby is the same way. In any event, it seems to help
to interpret it this way to the mother, that the baby isn't angry at her
or her breast, but is frustrated, just like she is, because he wants to
do it, but his frustration is getting in his way. Vicious cycle.
We address this in our office by taking time "off" from "trying" to
breastfeed, mom continues to express and feed by her alternative method
of choice, then letting baby do skin on skin AFTER most/all feeds, when
baby is totally milk drunk, to reestablish that trust, no shoving, not
trying, just cozy and happy and asleep skin against skin, and also--NO
skin on skin when awake enough for baby to experience that inner
conflict. Not trying to get baby to latch, so only skin on skin sound
asleep. Then, after a day or two, or at most usually not more than a
week or so, depending on how long the distressing and frustrating
attempts had been going on, you then wait for those magic moments when
baby seems "more grown up than usual" ie. by eye contact and interaction
with mom, and when mom "impulsively" feels like it might work, they can
"play around" with breastfeeding. If it's impulsive on mom's part, by
invitation from the baby, something in the baby's behavior made her
think it might work, it usually does. Often occurs partway, or most of
the way, thru an alternative feed, when baby is socializing with mom,
making eye contact, has hunger partially met, so not so crazy as to get
disorganized. But then, once following baby's lead, the emphasis has to
be on "playing" with breastfeeding, not "working" at it or "trying," so
that we keep the mood that works, or else stop when the mood changes and
wait for another time. Usually if they've had a few days to "reboot"
they forget those negative associations and can follow their instincts
no problem. But mom has to be willing to only do this by invitation,
keep it fun, and keep the breast a happy place to be. Then it happens.
On baby time.
Tina
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