Here is what happened, and don't worry, there is a happy ending!
Many months ago, before a school event, my son's preschool teacher
asked me if I would be willing to feed my baby in the school office
if she got hungry during the event. When I said "are you saying I
*have* to feed her in the office?" she said "yes." I am ashamed to
admit that I did not stand up for my baby's right to eat at that
time, and my baby ended up sleeping through the event anyway. I felt
upset and uncomfortable around that teacher for the next few months,
but could not figure out how to approach the situation in a way that
would leave the teacher feeling good about supporting breastfeeding;
I was too consumed with anger over my baby's right to food and
comfort being disrespected.
Then last week, my baby got hungry while I was dropping my son off at
school, and I decided to feed her even though I felt very
intimidated. So I began to feed her. A few moments later, in the
presence of several teachers, kids, and my own 3-year-old, the
Director of the preschool came over and asked me to move to the
office. She was standing over me and appeared insistent that I
move. I said that I could not move. Then she said "why don't you
come into the office so we can talk." I said, "I will be happy to
talk to you when I am done, but I physically cannot move right now."
I think we went back and forth several times, with her insisting that
I move and me refusing to move.
Obviously, I felt humiliated, angry, and embarrassed in front of all
these people including my 3-year-old son, for simply feeding my baby
when she was hungry.
When I finished feeding her, I went to the office, and the Director
stated that there was a father who was uncomfortable with me
breastfeeding and who had complained that he felt he could not bring
his child in with me "doing that there." My voice was shaking as I
explained to her that Maryland state law upheld my baby's right to
eat. I asked her if a bottlefeeding mother would be asked to move,
and she said "no." At this point, I could see the light go off in
her mind, and she told me that she had breastfed her own children 34
years ago, and she would deal with this father and I would not have
to worry about it anymore. I thanked her, with my voice still
shaking, and left.
The next day, I asked for a meeting with her, and I thanked her for
the way she handled the situation. Then I asked if she would be
willing to communicate to all staff members that the law upholds a
mother and baby's right to breastfeed, and she said that she had
already done so, but that she would make it clear at the next staff
meeting in case anyone did not hear it the first time. She said that
no one had been aware of this law. I let her know that I was not
trying to make trouble, just that I did not want another mother to
feel humiliated for feeding her baby, and I did not want my baby to
be denied the right to eat when hungry. She agreed, and while I do
not think she felt moved to become a lactivist herself, at least she
seemed to be willing to make all staff members aware of the law so
that this does not happen again. Most of these staff members are
young college students, and I would like to think that this will
stick in their minds when they have children -- that breastfeeding is
important enough that the law upholds a mother and baby's right to
breastfeed everywhere.
I am immensely grateful to those people who worked so hard to help
Maryland state law reflect the basic human right of a baby to food
and comfort, and a mother's right to feed and comfort her baby free
from harassment. I also feel grateful to Rosa Parks, for her example
of extreme courage in the face of terrible discrimination and human
rights violations, and to Maggie Kuhn, who said "speak your mind,
even if your voice shakes."
-----
Lynnette Hafken, MA, Mother of 3, LLLL, IBCLC
http://www.nurslings.com
“You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when
it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” Anne Lamott
***********************************************
Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
Mail all commands to [log in to unmask]
To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or [log in to unmask])
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet or ([log in to unmask])
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
|