I was pondering Nikki's post from yesterday this morning and wondering why
some moms who have "chosen" to not breastfeed open up and are interested when
it is brought up, and some complain about harassment....
I think the ones that end up being interested are the ones that have thought
about breastfeeding, really want to breastfeed, but have been given
misinformation (too young, don't eat right, smoke, have to go back to work, etc etc).
The ones that accuse us of making them feel guilty regardless of how gently
we query their decisions are the ones that ALREADY feel guilty because they
know they are making their decision to bottle feed for selfish reasons (It's
not for me, I want my body back, I don't want a kid hanging off my boob, it's
yukky, etc etc). Then Nikki (or someone else) comes in and gently asks them
if they have considered breastfeeding. They don't want to even think about
it because it brings up their already conflicted feelings -- and because they
know they should -- if nothing else, for the health of their baby.
So then it becomes easy to blame the messenger -- SHE made me feel guilty
because I'm not breastfeeding; SHE harassed me about not breastfeeding -- and so
on.
Can we say "projection" here?
The problem is, in a hospital situation, how do we distinguish between those
like Nikki's first mom who really wanted to breastfeed but was given
incorrect information, and Nikki's second mom who runs off to report her to the
management for "making her feel guilty."
Since the entire world, it seems like, is ready to throw the guilt card at
those militant breastfeeding lactivists, it's a rough call.
If I am making you feel guilty it is because you already do -- I'm just
reminding you and bringing those repressed feelings to the surface -- you already
felt guilty. I didn't do it to you.
Jan Barger -- who, for the first fall in 26 years, does not have a child
going to school -- no one in college, no one in grad school....
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