Nina asks us to discuss how to prevent events from occurring that leave  
mothers feeling assaulted.
 
Mostly  I do what I would expect done to me....I ask before  touching.  I ask 
the mother before I touch her.  I ask her if I can  hold her baby.  I ask if 
I can weigh her baby and I place that little sweet  baby on the scale as 
gently as I would handle the most delicate piece of  crystal.  Not because I think 
babies are fragile, but because I think there  is not need to be cavalier and 
casual with that little baby that momma loves so  fiercely. When she sees that 
I am gentle and easy with her baby, she can  trust I will be gentle and easy 
with her.  I listen.  I spend  most of my time with moms just listening and 
watching and sharing what I  observe.  I stop immediately if a baby is crying or 
upset.  Even  before the mom would sometimes and listen to the baby. 
 
Lately, thanks to some of the posts on Lactnet I have tried to sit on my  
hands. Haha.  Not always the first time,  I do tend to at least show  her how to 
position and hold her baby so he can latch himself more easily--the  whole 
time explaining to her and to her baby what I am doing and why.  But,  then, the 
next feeding I literally sit on my hands.  Or sometimes I hold a  doll and we 
go through it together.  I may move a finger back or just  remind her to move 
back a bit. But the goal is, she is in charge of her  body and her baby and 
they work it out together after I have explained what  needs to be done.  
Sometimes this doesn't work, but with time and practice,  it does.  In the end, I 
cannot be there every 2 hrs. 

I have been a  LLL Leader longer than I have been an IBCLC, and the one very 
most important  thing I have learned from LLL is that my role is to encourage, 
support, and  empower the mother to trust herself.  I can't do that if I am 
grabbing and  shoving and her baby is screaming.  She needs to feel confident 
and sure of  herself when she leaves me.  Always remembering that mothers will 
do best  when they believe and know they can do this themselves helps me as 
much as all  the skills and knowledge I have acquired over the years.  I teach 
as I go  and when they leave they know as much as I do about what we just did 
and why and  how they will absolutely be able to do this themselves.  Sometimes 
this  means we just stop.  We wait and start again later, or she comes 
another  day.  No rush.
 
How much of what we need to do for mothers to feel safe, comfortable, and  
able to accept what is offered probably varies mother to mother.  And, I  can 
imagine in some hospital settings it would be hard to accomplish thanks to  the 
overload of patients to care for, the pressure for staying on task and  moving 
on to the next.  I have hours, not minutes, and that makes a huge  difference 
in what I can do.

What about hospital based IBCLCs who are also working as postpartum  floor 
nurses...not just "Only IBCLC" work?  Doesn't that change how much  has to be 
done and how much time is available?  Isn't it always about  education and the 
willingness to be educated and more importantly, the openness  to change?
 
Take care,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC
Florida



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