>
>
>Sounds familiarly like LLLI has been telling us for years: For eons, women
>have succeeded at breastfeeding because they have watched and assimilated it
>into their fantasies of womanhood daily as children and are surrounded by
>experienced women when they have their children.
>
>
>Perhaps if there is to be another childbirth revolution, we must plant it
>early, in the sunlight of our value system, and water and fertilize it
>carefully in the fantasy life of our young children.
>
I'd be happy to contribute to that revolution, because I think it is
incompatible with the one I dream of: empowering women by valuing
mothering, restructuring society so we all put family first, and
providing real emotional and spiritual support as well as practical
assistance for breastfeeding and for family life. It would involve huge
policy and attitudinal changes.
Why in the world does it sound so reactionary to talk about "women and
children first"? And why did the childbirth revolution seem rooted in
the women's movement -- having power over one's own body -- when
breastfeeding didn't seem to get more than a nipple in the door of that
discourse? Ouch!
This is one of the reasons I take issue with some of the discourse on
lactation. I don't know that it has really helped us to suggest that
there is no other choice, or of normalizing breastfeeding (which can
lead to "forced consensus" at the expense of "informed choice".) It's
OK, I've been flamed before, and although I'm feeling much more
vulnerable now, I'm also breaking my own rules and speaking out more. I
am a crone, I can do that.
I'm vulnerable because I'm surrounded by women who are intelligent,
feminist, empowered and ethical and who do not share my views on
breastfeeding. Some of these women are in other community groups, some
of them are mothers with school-age children, some of them are in
academe. Most work outside the home. Many of these women tell me that
the juggling act is so difficult, that parents don't have any other
choice than to have both partners work, and that as a result they have
chosen not to have (more) children. When they do have children, they
pride themselves on not taking time off before the birth of their baby
and on returning to work outside the home. Canadian legislation allows
up to 12 months maternity leave, but not at full salary, and certainly
not for all workers. Full-year leaves suit the middle range of the
employed very well, but not either extreme. Meanwhile, the debate on
national child care has made the choice to stay home (and possibly
receive money for it) another extreme reactionary choice.
Is this related to breastfeeding? Apparently. Many of the women I meet
breastfeed. Almost none of them breastfeed for 6 months or more. Those
who do tend to be out of the work force longer -- not because
breastfeeding doesn't work when mothers work, but, I think, because
their kind of mothering doesn't work as well when they are juggling,
answering to a boss, worried about illness, fatigued, etc. But that
makes working and breastfeeding sound a bit negative. I think the
reality is that many women don't seem to know they have the choice of
another kind of life in which their body, their breasts, their minds and
their hearts are not only fully occupied with life but are fully in
their control -- theirs to give, theirs given by choice.
I am still struggling with the idea that women are more fulfilled when
they work for other people who couldn't care less about their deepest
desires or their real needs than when they "stay home". However, this is
what I hear from many of the women I talk to, who often talk about being
sucked dry (either from being at home or from juggling home and family)
but rarely about how they have been sucked into a system that requires
them to make personal choices based on economic necessities.
Nonetheless, somehow, having to "explain" my choice to have a rich
family life, a thriving intellectual / creative life, strong community
involvement and, admittedly, a poor economic situation is making me
wonder if I am on another planet. Being told that it is a luxury only
middle-class women can afford is one of the worst insults I cope with.
All this makes me feel incredibly disempowered as a woman.
Thank goodness I have always had some vision of what I'm doing as the
most feminist and revolutionary choice possible. And that there are
people on my planet who love each other overwhelmingly.
Jo-Anne
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