Phyllis asks:
 
<<Why is it so many  moms "can't get that close" to their babies?>>


 
 
Oh Phyllis, I think you've asked  the question of the century...... 
 
From personal experience:  I  found it hard to get close (or allow myself) to 
get close to my oldest because  my mother refused (in her own words) to get 
close to me.  She was the  daughter of missionaries and was separated early on 
from everyone she loved --  so she was afraid that if she loved me the way she 
wanted to love me, I would  somehow be taken from her.  So she distanced 
herself.
 
I think there are many other  mothers that do the same thing because that is 
what has been modeled for them --  rightly or wrongly.  
 
Breastfeeding brings up the  deepest feelings in us and makes us WANT to be 
close to our children.  And  we battle what we have been taught:  don't pick up 
your babies, you'll  spoil them; feed them on a schedule so you won't be 
ruled by the baby; you have  to go back to work -- it's easier if you don't love 
them too much; children are  a bother and a burden, especially in the early 
years....
 
And the spoiling, spoiling,  spoiling message is LOUD and CLEAR to everyone.  
 
I wonder actually, how much of  this stems from the years in the late 19th 
and early 20th century when women  routinely lost their babies or young children 
to death.  I wonder if they  held back so they wouldn't become too attached.  
And I wonder if this, in  part, is the detached parenting that is so 
prevalent -- Babywise & Baby  Whisperer not withstanding?  
 
It's very very sad.  And  there is more out there than we can accomplish in a 
lifetime.  
 
For the mother that switched early  to bottle feeding because she didn't do 
well with her first one -- she is  responsible for the finances for the family 
business so has to get back to that  immediately because "no one else can do 
it."  
 
Work has taken precedence over our  children.  Which means that if 
breastfeeding isn't immediately easy, then  the easy thing to do is not....




(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(") Jan Barger, RN, MA,  IBCLC

_Lactation Education  Consultants_ 
(http://www.lactationeducationconsultants.com/)  
_My Mother of the Bride  Blog_ (http://www.motherofbridebyjan.blogspot.com/)  
_Torrey's  Blog_ (http://www.marriedcouplebytorrey.blogspot.com/)  






             ***********************************************

To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]

The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html