Rene,
Here's where the "healthy detachment" step of non-codependence comes in.
You are not responsible for other people's decisions. Yes, it is very
hard when we know that human milk and breastfeeding are the greatest,
and other people, especially people we love, don't believe us or act on
that knowledge. I think all of us have had painful experiences with
people we care about not bf despite our best efforts to assist, or who
quit without even asking for our help.
Try to see this as HER decision, not YOUR failure. You can mourn for
her, but realize that there is no magic you could perform to control
another person, ever. Detach a little bit. Just a little.
Next, practice your responses to either outcome. Either "I'm so happy
your baby is well" or "I'm so sorry your baby is ill." Either one
expresses your concern. Neither says "told you so", which while
temporarily satisfying to that nasty part of us that needs to be right,
is not helpful in the long run.
It helps me to realize that people do the best they can with the
resources they have. Knowledge is a resource, so are time, emotional
support, ability to withstand anxiety and fear, money, etc. Some people
who can't even think of bf are just too afraid to trust their bodies, or
have had traumatic experiences that they don't have the resources to
face yet.
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC NYC
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