A few more comments.  I will ask the first mom next I see her what made her
change her mind - don't know why I haven't asked her already!
I do feel strongly about birth trauma affecting a woman's mothering.
Surprisingly, the young mom actually delivered her baby in the end by a very
traumatic forceps delivery performed by my consultant OB (long, involved
story.)  I felt her birth was very traumatic - even for me, I dreamt about
it for weeks.  But I managed to snatch the baby from the OB before he could
hand him away to a nurse and plopped him on his mom's chest - and she
wouldn't let go of him after that!  It was like the start of labor
transformed her into a different, fierce kind of person, and she wasn't
letting him go or anything else happen to him.  She now seems so sure of
herself and her baby, it's a pleasure to watch her with him.

The second mom's birth was to my mind less traumatic by far.  But of course,
my mind doesn't matter!  She did push a long time, but birthed her little
boy spontaneously in the end, with a tiny tear that needed just 2 stitches.
 He was in her arms in seconds.  She bled after delivery, and required
pitocin, and then methergine to control the bleeding.  However, her baby was
with her the whole time, only out of her arms for a few minutes while an IV
was being started.  Today she would only say that she just couldn't make up
her mind about breastfeeding, and maybe she'd try again at home.  She did
say she felt much better after this birth than her first (an induction for
pre-eclampsia and a large episiotomy with 3rd degree extension.)  She also
talked lots about her previous doctor who attended her the first time, who
just told her what to do all the time and didn't keep asking her questions!
 She has had a ridiculous amount of company also, many of whom sort of
startle me by their utter lack of respect for birth, new babies, and
immediately postpartum moms.  They all seemed to expect her to be
entertaining them and certainly handing over the baby.  I heard more than
one joke about her newly postpartum shape, too.  (I just cringe to see these
brand new babies handed from person to person.  NO ONE holds my babies when
they are new but me, my husband, and briefly my older children.)  She also
told me that she worried all night that the babies she heard crying were her
new son.  When I asked her why she just didn't keep him in the room, she
said she was worried she wouldn't be able to hear him if she fell asleep!  I
strongly encouraged her a la Rachel Myr to just BE with her baby.  She said
maybe once she gets home.  She was quite concerned that he seems to root
whenever she picks him up - as if he should know now that he's a bottlefed
baby and not go looking for the breast!  So who knows what will happen at
home.  Hopefully, she can feel supported in learning how to mother this
little guy, whatever happens.

Jennifer Tieman
Family Physician
Mom to 4, including my toddler nursling Caroline Rose

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