>
>
>I understand that it can be frustrating ...as Lactnet cannot be
>all things to all people, especially a wonderful group of very passionate
>people.  Same with LLLI. They also had to limit themselves to one cause,
>that of supporting breastfeeding mothers
>
Kathleen and all,

I was thinking something similar when I read one of the posts. I think 
it is wonderful that we all have different viewpoints, and different 
strengths. We should all do what we feel called to do, and let our gifts 
be put to the best use possible. However, trying to convince the 
passionate women who write on Lactnet to think otherwise or act 
otherwise than what they feel called to do seems to me to be setting 
ourselves up for disappointment or acting in a way that we do not think 
is insensitive, but others do. Respect is fairly simple when people are 
agree, and here we agree on one huge issue: the importance of 
breastfeeding. But I bet we have different ideas even on what is closely 
related -- mothering, healthy life-styles, family relationships. (And 
that's just the less controversial ones!)

In LLLI, Leaders learn that what they say is less important than how 
they say it, and the information we give has less of an impact than the 
way we present it. (At least, that's what *I* learned.) People need to 
feel that they were "heard" more than they need to believe that what 
they said was clear, accurate etc. This does not mean that the 
information is not an essential component in the mother's breastfeeding 
experience, or that as Leaders we aren't interested in updating our 
skills and knowledge to help mothers figure out how to "fix" whatever 
isn't working.

So in an LLLI setting, when I hear a mother expressing very strong 
political or religious opinions that I share, I have to remind myself 
that other mothers might not share these opinions. What I do is stop and 
try to imagine how I would feel if the mother were saying the very 
opposite. Or I think about her  advocating the opposite approach to the 
one I am so sure is right for my family. For instance, I might imagine 
her saying "It is tantamount to child abuse to *have a large family!*" 
instead of to *let a baby cry it out!*

Then I think about whether I would feel safe, comfortable, open, warm 
etc. when I heard that as a new mother attending a meeting for the first 
time. Next, I think about what someone else could say to make me feel 
better or understand more about the subject, and that is what I try to 
express to the group. For instance, I might think, or say: "It's amazing 
how motherhood makes us so intense about what we want for our families! 
Of course, all our families are different, and other people might feel 
very differently and still be right -- as far as their families go."

I have found the same works in many other areas of my life. Personally, 
I do not take my opinions as seriously as I did when I was in my 
thirties. I take my beliefs and values more seriously, but don't have 
any expectation that those outside of my family will share them 
whole-heartedly.

What is Lactnet for? I think it is for giving me, as a woman working 
with other mothers, the same kind of support and information that LLLI 
provides. LLLI gears those things and its approach to mothers, and 
Lactnet gears it to professional and volunteer breastfeeding supporters. 
The information and the support are both important.

Kathleen has encouraged us to focus on the information, and I guess I 
would like to add that we can also gear our posts to support. I will try 
to fulfill my responsibilities, as the listmothers see them. The hard 
part for me will be keeping posts brief and to the point. LOL

Happy New Year, all! We have some challenges in our household this year, 
and I appreciate the warmth and wisdom of Lactnet all the more.

Jo-Anne

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