Jo-Anne and Nikki, from two different cultures, discuss what, if any,
assumptions we may make about how our children are likely to treat us when
we are too infirm to care for ourselves any more, according to how we fed
them when they were small.  I am chiming in here from a third culture, with
my 30 ml worth.

My hope is that people who are parented with respect and compassion (which
is not synonymous with 'people who are breastfed') will show respect for
their parents, and that respect may be transferred to other people as well,
because if their first relationship is one of mutual respect, they have a
basis for giving it to others.  That same respect for others is what leads
families to agitate for better staffing in nursing homes, and is in fact
what leads families to find a dignified and worthy institutional placement
for a cherished relative, when they realize that there is no way on earth
they are able to give the person the care they deserve, at home.

In my experience it is rare for adults to truly respect children, especially
infants.  I live in a breastfeeding culture, and a culture that gives a
sizeable monthly cash bonus to anyone who does not use day care centers for
the first three years of their child's life, and yet I see disrespectful
parenting every day.  I see parents telling their children they are fine
when the children are howling in anguish, and I see parents brushing off
their childrens' questions about the world around them by shushing them, and
forbidding them to explore their surroundings physically, to name a few
examples.  These are breastfeeding families in virtually every case.  

There is nothing about breastfeeding that automatically inculcates respect
for the child in the adults involved.  There is also nothing about bottle
feeding per se that excludes respect for the child.  I realize that it is
more of an effort to offer physical closeness when a child is bottle fed,
but it is within the realm of possibility.  I remain to be convinced that
physical closeness alone automatically fosters respectful, loving feelings
in the child or the parent.

If we expect women to be honest with us about the reasons they may decide
not to breastfeed, we can not pass judgment on them as human beings first,
based on how they have fed their children (or on what arrangements they have
made for care for their relatives with Alzheimer's).  I have yet to meet a
woman who decided not to breastfeed at no emotional cost to herself, but I
have met numerous such women who felt that their reasons were not valid
enough to reveal to a breastfeeding specialist, and who were surprised to
meet one who asked them about it.  It's been a source of invaluable learning
for me.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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