Barb Fibich writes that she is worried about a meeting over OB reaction to
informed consent and the worry that it will make moms feel guilty.

I was struck by a thought as we talk about the OB group concerned about
making women feel guilty.  I am of the camp that people cannot make you have
certain feelings.  Feelings are your reactions to the information or
circumstances in your life.  It is possible that the OB staff does feel
guilty because with the knowledge they possess they do feel bad that their
children may not have been breastfed.

Perhaps finding an analogy that the OBs might connect to would help them
understand their bias.  Now maybe I am going out on a limb here, but I think
this will make a more dramatic point than some of the other comparisons that
have been used:

Imagine you are seeing a woman who states that she is abused by her spouse.
Would you give the woman knowledge and information to make good decisions or
would you tell her not to make her spouse feel angry so that she will not
get hurt.  We do not worry about the woman making her spouse feel angry we
say the spouse is responsible for his feelings and behavior.  No person's
behavior can make you feel anything that you do not choose to feel.

So if the adult spouse is responsible for his feelings and behavior, why is
the adult mother not responsible for her own feelings or behavior?  Our job
as HCPs is not to fix the problems caused by making poor choices, our job as
HCPs is to provide accurate information to allow adults make good decisions.

Of course there is always the old standby:

If you are seeing a woman for her first prenatal appointment and find out
she is an occasional smoker, do you withhold the risks of smoking on her new
baby?  What happens if you tell her that smoking while pregnant increases
the risk of having a baby that is too small and it happens? Do you worry
that you made her feel guilty?

Linda Pohl, IBCLC
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