Dear Colleagues on Lactnet,
       I can understand Kathleen's and the other listmother's frustrations
with the accusatory nature of some of the posts these past few months.  We are
all adults and the listmothers shouldn't have to spend time corralling us and
reminding us to behave ourselves.
       That said, I would beg you all to remember what is in our welcoming
letter.  Give each other the benefit of the doubt.  We are all human and all
make mistakes.  Perhaps one of us at some time gets passionate and says something
we shouldn't, and doesn't realize until after we've hit the send button that
we've screwed up.  While I completely realize how tempting it is for the
person who feels she's been attacked in public to want to protest in public, it
really would be better to contact the original sender in private about these
concerns.  After all, maybe the sender said something she shouldn't have, in which
case a private correspondence might prompt the sender to also send a public
apology.  And then it can be finished.  But *maybe* the original poster did not
even mean anything nasty.  As has often been said, we have only words
here--no tone of voice, no body language to help clarify what is meant.  And haven't
we all had moments of searching for the right word or phrase in our mind, and
can't seem to come up with it, and the one we choose instead we later realize
doesn't really convey what we had hoped it would?
       It would be a terrible loss to breastfeeding advocates everywhere if
the listmothers feel the need to shut down Lactnet.  We share so much good,
useful information here.  Please, if you felt really passionate as you were
typing a message, please hit the "send later" button instead of the "send" button.
Go do something else for a few hours or a day, and then come back and re-read
what you typed before you send it.  If what you wrote could be hurtful, even
if you think it is a perfectly justified response to another message, please
re-word it or send it privately or don't send it.  The listmothers are
"mothers"--"tenders"--to the *list*.  They should not have to act like *our* mothers,
nor should we need it.  Please, everyone, think about how you communicate
within your family and your workplace and try to treat the members of this list
with the same respect.
       I have only been here a few months, but I don't want to lose Lactnet!
       Dee

Dee Kassing, BS, MLS, IBCLC
Collinsville, Illinois, in central USA

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