>
>
>I say that because babies are programmed to survive, they do whatever works,
>and if they discover that *only* crying results in being fed, it doesn't
>take them long to drop all the polite foreplay and cut to the chase, as it
>were, crying insistently as soon as they feel the slightest bit hungry.
>
Yes, and who knows the ultimate effect of dropping this "wooing" behaviour.
Babies should know that they are adorable, lovable and loved. So should
their mothers.
Next to the glazed-over look as they doze off to sleep at the breast,
the joy of babies when they are picked up and put immediately to the
breast before they are fully awake and long before they are in distress
is a favourite warm fuzzy. For me, I mean, though I'm glad the baby is
happy, too LOL. It sure beats that pathetic and surprised look at being
rescued once discomfort has set in. At that point, there is a disconnect
between feeding, feeling cared for and a comfortable state of
being-in-the-world.
Let me reassure you, though, that making any gesture of response can go
a long way in keeping the crying away. When one twin had to wait his/her
turn (generally because the second one woke up abruptly and was too big
to schlep with one hand) I used to get the feeling that the accumulated
effect of my efforts to respond was what ultimately kept the distress
from mounting. Perhaps it is the mindset of "I won't respond" or, worse
in a way, "I don't know how to respond" that is the negative factor. Or
maybe deterring one's gaze, which is never necessary except when you are
feeling lousy about what you are doing.
Jo-Anne Elder-Gomes, PhD, IBCLC

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