What a frustrating incident!  However, since it happened, I think you will be able to use it as a good teaching opportunity for the staff at the pool, and maybe lots of others too.  I would also consider writing a letter to the editor of your local newspaper, as an opportunity to explain the laws and address a few myths (like that getting breast milk in pool water could spread HIV, of all things!).

I have a few comments on your letter.  Having written many similar things in the past, there are a few basic things that I think are helpful.  I agree that the length is a big issue.  A long letter is more likely to get put aside and forgotten, skimmed over but not actually read, put down after the first paragraph or two, etc..  Being, personally, a very long-winded writer, I always start with something way too long and do lots of editing.  

It is important to try to define your goal to something specific. Decide what points are the most important to get across for that specific case, and then stick to those.  It is tempting to say more, but not very likely that your reader will be interested enough to pay attention to it.

Also, it is helpful to look for anything that might tend to put the reader on the defensive, especially at the beginning of the letter, and reword it.  In most cases, it is best to come across as concerned, but not angry.  This will help assure that your letter will be read with an open mind, and that anything that is done will be done with the rights and welfare of mothers and babies in mind, rather than the primary goal being to avoid having to deal with any more complaints.   

I hope your friend will continue to nurse her baby in public.  Good luck on this!

Darillyn

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