> <<I bottlefed my first baby because of major problems breastfeeding.  I
> eventually relactated but I remember all to well the enormous black hole
> that I felt
> when Breastfeeding disintegrated.  I recognize the grief a mother will go
> through when Breastfeeding "fails."  My grief was never directed at
> Breastfeeding,
> Breastfeeding advocates, or Breastfeeding promotion. It was an intense
> sadness, depression.  In fact I sometimes think this kind of grief is mixed
> up with
> what we call postpartum depression. >>

Valerie , I too wound up feeding my first son formula, I had no problems
Breastfeeding him.  He happened to get jaundice and I happened to get a bad
infection in my incision after a placenta previa c section - which I lost 4 pints of
blood and barely survived.  I did nurse him immediately after birth which for
me was 7 hours later !!!  I wanted desperately to nurse him, this was almost
13 years ago and I "listened" to the ob/gyn and his pediatrician.  Both said
antibiotics did not mix with Breastfeeding and that I should relax I "Gave my
son the colostrum and that was the most important thing for him, and formula
was just as good."  Well I soon learned that he was allergic to every formula
except the most expensive "Alimentum".  I soon became depressed (which lasted
for at least two years).  I never knew that I had an option of relactating.  I
have since learned so much and I feel sick that doctors I trusted let me down.
I know I cannot change things now and I can say that my son is a happy,
healthy, smart young man, -I now know that my "mothering style" --skin to skin
contact, no crying it out and attachment (although I didn't know it had a name),
helped him grow into a bright child (connecting neurons).  My heart does go out
to moms that somehow got lost, I do believe that now there is just too much
information out there that any mother with any level of education (almost any)
can see how important it is to breastfeed.  I subsequently nursed two
children, the first for almost 3 years, and the last is still nursing twice a day at
least - I AM PROUD TO SAY at 3 YEARS 8 MONTHS.  I have been on both sides and
because of this I have made my decision to learn as much as I can and maybe try
to get more obs and peds on my side.  I am interning and loving it and plan
to hopefully take the IBCLC exam in July 04.

I too never directed any bad feelings at Breastfeeding advocates, instead I
feel the opposite - I try to give moms more info to continue Breastfeeding,
Even in my short time interning - I have seen a few moms give up - I feel bad -
but I do sometimes think that unfortunately "we" as educators get caught up in
these moms process - they want to be able to say "I tried it and it just
didn't work"  these moms really do not want our help, they just want to say they
did.

Ps -- I am taking Jan Riordan's internet course on Human Lactation, ( I
highly recommend this to anyone that is learning now).  One assignment we have is
to: "Describe the upper limits of bilirubin levels in your hospital or
affiliated institution before treatment is started. How is the bilirubin tested? Do
they use CO-Stat End-Tidal Breath Analyzer? Also describe protocols for
treatment for jaundice of the healthy full-term infant and the low-birth weight
infant. Omit the name of the hospital".Since I am not affiliated with any
hospitals, I have asked a few peds I know for their hospitals protocols,I would love
some feedback on this from some of you RN's or doctors. You can email directly,
Thank you all for all your great insight these past few months.  I enjoy all
your information and posts.

Sincerely,
Donna Kimick
Intern LC
Long Island NY USA
DKNYLI14 @aol.com




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