i had either just been tested or offered to get tested for the women i
wetnursed and donated for.
one woman had severe ppd w/ a hx of clinical depression pretty much all her
life. one of the ways it manifested after the birth of her baby was that the
baby being skin to skin made her feel violently nauseous and panicky. our
babies were the same age and we were attending the same LLL mtg. she came up to me
after the mtg and asked if i would ever consider nursing someone else's baby.
she planned to get on medication that she hoped would help her nurse if it
could quell her emotional struggles. i researched what i could find on wetnursing
and agreed. i asked my ob for a copy of my bloodwork done while pg and gave
it to her. it was also very important to her that i be a non-smoker and not
take in caffeine or alcohol. none of the stipulations were the least bit
restrictive to me. sometimes she came to my house, sometimes i went to hers and i
nursed the infants together. often we would spend the whole day together and if
only 1 baby was nursing while the other slept, i pumped the babyless breast to
have milk to send home with her. she would sit on the couch beside me, not
touching her baby at all and watch tv, completely expressionless.
she tried to pump in the beginning but even that made her gag. at around 6
mos, she began to be upset watching me nurse her baby. she would leave the
room. i actually saw this as a sign of progress and a pull of her maternal
instincts toward her own baby...i suggested i pump and she bottlefeed. this worked
well for a couple of weeks and then her husband decided that baby had received
'enough' breastmilk and it was time for his wife to take over nourishing their
baby 100% again. she never could bear to latch the baby on again, but she did
get some milk through pumping until almost 12 mos. i was very proud to know
her, she struggled valiantly w/ the hurdles she had to overcome!
the next woman was also in my LLL core group, i wetnursed her 5 month old for
her very briefly while she had radioactive thyroid treatments done. again i
requested and gave her the health clearance, she also really wanted me to take
in minimal to no dairy for a few wks preceding the wetnursing. she also agreed
should i ever need and she be able - that she will wetnurse for me. :-)
the 3rd mother was a friend of an ap friend who was also ap undergoing
chemotherapy. several of us were donating for her 4 month old baby. i started out
pumping for her but became pg and my nipples became incredibly sore rather
quickly so i had to give it up. several other women continued to pump for her for
quite a while, tho!
and my last experience was actually just a few wks ago. i babysit for an
adorable little girl every week while her parents attend a seminar
(self-improvement/motivational type of thing). 'B' is 2.5 yo, my bobo is 2 yo and jake is 3.5
yo. 'B' was bf'ed to 19 mos. her mom had fibrocystic breasts and gently
weaned 'B' due to the relentless pain. it was too soon for 'B' and she still pats
and fondles and kisses her mother's breasts and mom is very guilt-ridden. so
zoom in to 'B' being here late at night while my boys have prime booby time
before bed. 'B' would snuggle up on jake's back and rub his cheek as he nursed and
gently chant, 'nummies nummies, me needs nummies pwease' omigoodness, it
nearly broke my heart. 'B' began asking her mom if she could share nummies w/ jake
and bobo. when she asked me, i just told her those were jake and bobo's
nummies but she could have a special treat of her own while they nursed...she
always just wanted to just lay there and stroke jake's face while he nursed,
though.
her mom saw her increasing interest in nursing and asked me if i would ever
consider nursing her. she said she wouldn't mind in the least - in fact would
consider it a wonderful act of selflessness and a gift. i did consider it. long
and hard.
what i came up with was that it really wouldn't be in anyone's best interest
unless 'B' was just really pining away for breastmilk or in jeopardized
health. all the kids were at a competitive stage. i didn't want my boys to feel i'd
given away something that was theirs. 'B' often took toys by force and it was
really distressing to them - how would they feel if i gave her their most
treasured 'moij'? and what if she really took to it? they are neighbors - what if
i went to her bday party and she started trying to get into my shirt and
asking for 'nummies' in front of all the inlaws and other friends? that could make
for a bizarre social mishap! my instincts just told me there were too many
potential pitfalls. not the least of which was my friend's guilt at having weaned
too soon . add to that the fact that she told me as an afterthought she would
never let her husband know (!). i suspected seeing 'B' nurse from me might be
harder than she thought and possibly even harm our friendship. 'B' was fine
with the limits we set and never cried or became distressed, i think the whole
experience helped me realize a lot of the dynamics you have to consider before
just jumping into a situation like this.
i would accept milk from (or allow to wetnurse) any woman willing to donate
it could i not provide my own for my baby. i would ask for a medical health
clearance as well as wanting to know about caffeine, nicotine, excessive dairy,
etc...
were i not able to find human milk no matter how hard i tried, i would
research and learn how to make my own formula based on goat's milk or rice milk or
possibly a combination of the two - before i ever gave my baby commercially
manufactured formula.
i am so sorry for the loss of your baby, javier.
"bobo, what are you doing to deedle?"
"pankin him butt, mumma"
"bobo, we don't spank in this house"
"ony pank him outside, mumma?"
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