The mother Ann Marie quotes is still grieving her loss of breastfeeding.  The
best response to her would acknowledge that loss and the appropriateness of her
grief.

One can also express regret that something one has said has caused another
distress.  One need not take back or apologize for what one has said, simply
regret the pain it occasioned.  Then one might comment that the community which
supports mothers has tried to find a good term for human milk alternatives that
is more accurate and descriptive than 'formula.' and ask hat she would suggest

As I write this, I'm changing my mind.  Doesn't she have a point?  The
denotation of 'artificial' is accurate and non-judgmental but the connotations
are negative, at least in the milieu I live in.  Is it really so unreasonable to
say that 'artificial infant milk' is derogatory in a subtle way?  I remember the
long thread here on LACTNET discussing various ways we might refer to human milk
substitutes.  I think we wanted to get the attention of unsupportive people who
undermine breastfeeding with a term that is accurate but unattractive.  The
discomfort of this mother who wasn't able to breastfeed, probably due to lack of
support from those same people, could be termed collateral damage.  Maybe in
forums that include women like this we might use 'human milk substitute' or
'human milk alternative.'

Alice Martino
[log in to unmask]


> From:    Ann Marie <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: venting, guilt, arrrrrgggggghhhh!
>
> Received today:
> >>I have noticed that some of the comments on this (parenting) group are
> derogatory, if even in a subtle way, towards women who are not
> breastfeeding. I dont think that the women, like myself, who werent able to
> breastfeed for whatever reason, or chose not to breastfeed for any reason,
> should receive negative comments. I think breastfeeding is wonderful and it
> is God's way of feeding our babies. But I dont like hearing comments like
> "babies that are artificially fed"....I think that comment was derogatory
> and uncalled for.  I dont think how I feed my baby is artificial, I feed her
> formula that is helping her grow strong and healthy and when she feeds we
> talk and sing and bond, just like when I breastfed her. Also, I completely
> formula fed my 12 year old son and he has never had one allergy to anything
> and he has been completely healthy his whole life. And he is also very
> intelligent - he is a gifted piano student and is on the honor roll at a
> private school. So, although I do believe that breastfeeding is wonderful ,
> I also think that children who take formula turn out just as healthy and
> just as smart and I think it is unfair to passively throw out biased
> negative comments towards the mothers who are not breastfeeding.<<<

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