Another way to approach this is to discuss mother-bashing in general in this
society. I often talk about this in my Lamaze classes: my hypothesis is that
one of the reasons we all get so much advice (even from people we don't
know!) is that our hard work in mothering is almost never validated. And
probably one of the reasons we all hear so many awful stories about labor is
no one ever validates that hard work either.

 I had a mom burst into tears in class once: she had a 3 month old baby, and
came as support person for a friend's teen daughter. She modeled lovely,
attentive mothering through that entire series.
When I thanked her she burst into tears and told me no one had ever told her
that she was doing a good job!

There are many other womanly tasks that are not validated....nurturing and
homemaking come to mind! So this may be a way to discuss this topic without
pointing fingers or getting defensive.

I must admit I sometimes tell people who are moving away to try more than
one La Leche League Group if they don't enjoy the first one they find.
Groups take on the flavors of their Leaders and it is a long learning curve
to be ready to "take all comers" and truly make them welcome. (And -- we all
hear selectively. I tell the docs here, "I won't believe everything they
tell me you said, if you don't believe everything they tell you I said.")

Dawn Kersula RN, LCCE,FACCE, IBCLC and LLL Leader now for 19 years!

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