Trish, thank you for sharing your story, and thank you List Mamas for
approving it. We understand the reason for the rule of not asking private
questions, but when a situation does come up that warrants an exception, we
are all able to tap our wisdom more deeply because it becomes more
personal. We're just that kind of folks. :)

I don't agree with the OT who said that since your little one can drink
from a cup so well that he will be disinclined to suckle. This supposition
is often relayed to mothers by professionals about  such babies as those
with oral anomalies that require surgery. But there have always been
exceptions, and would probably be more without those pronouncements.

Adoption stories are great cases in point. I know of several adopted babies
who learned to feed at the breast when no one expected it to happen. One
baby was adopted at about 14 months and was certainly drinking from a cup
not drinking from a bottle. Baby slept with mom, often with bare upper
torsos, was carried in a sling like a newborn would have been. Mom was
mimiking gestation as best she could. One day around 18 months Mom awoke to
the baby's suckling at her breast. He continued to do so for a long time
even though Mom thought that she never had any milk.

It was not her intent to have her baby experience the breast but to attain
physical closeness. Just "being there" was enough to let baby remember how
to suckle.

I agree with those who recommend something like cranial sacral therapy, the
level that honors and releases memories. I have had several infants with
oral aversions who went on to breastfeed very well after such release of
memories of trauma held in their bodies. A part of your little boy probably
does want to be at your breast but when he "thinks" about it another part
says no.

And I heartily agree with Diane W. about being playful. Infants and
children always know when we are "serious" about something and it alarms
them. Playing lowers our intellectual defenses and alows us to do what we
might not do if we thought about it. I realize how hard it is not to be
serious but you can pretend. We are given the gift of acting for a purpose
and it is very useful at times. You will probably even lighten up yourself.
[I have had experience with this kind of emotional shift when I chose to
"play" with a distressful situation with my children.]

Some finger feeding with SNS might be a step away from the NG tube and
toward the breast. See how he feels about that. He has made such remarkable
strides that you can "invite" him to continue to grow away from the tube
and toward suckling.[I am working with a baby now who was on a G tube every
three hours and was able to go to finger feeding. She is still working
toward breastfeeding again and is taking steps toward her goal on most days.]

*Invitation* and *play* are key approaches, in my opinion. I also use these
when helping a baby move away from the nipple shield. And if you can find
the play fun too then you will not give up on your dream. I am not one to
caution a person against pursuing dreams. I say, "Go ahead, get your hopes
up! What are we if we don't have high hopes?" Giving up so that we won't be
disappointed if our dream doesn't work out causes us to miss out doubly.

I'm thinking of maxims:

"The goal is the going."

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Willy Shake

We are with you. What is your little boy's name? I would like to send him
my caring by name.

Pat Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee, Wisconsin


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