It is a basic tenet of counseling that we are most helpful meeting our client
where she stands.  Many of us have, through our own parenting evolution, our
education, our skills at creating a supportive community around us,
travelled  far from the mainstream models of Western infant care.  This is
largely to the benefit of us and our families, but can make it hard to
remember  where we came from.

More educated minds than mine have said it before, but it bears repeating:
the model of 'normal" Western infant care (with its accompanying expectations
of infant behavior) could easily be labelled"detachment parenting". Infants
are expected to be independent, undemanding, self soothing creatures. Most
mothers carry with them a (media-created?) image of a baby lying contentedly
in her crib for hours on end, gurgling contentedly at a mobile, needing
minimal physical contact(diapering, bathing) feeding at regular, predictable
intervals, and sleeping long stretches at night by 3 months at the latest!

The reaction of most regular firsttime moms that I encounter, who are
presented with an actual human infant who desires physical contact, movement,
and frequent feeding, is a deep worry that there is either something terribly
wrong with their baby, or terribly deficient in their parenting.  If I had a
dollar for every time I responded to a mom who said"My baby just cries all
the time if I'm not holding her or feeding her"with support, praise, and
gentle education on normal infant behavior, I'd certainly be a richer woman
than I am .

So part of the adjustment to mothering is the shock of movie-baby meets
reality baby. Nonetheless, many  moms who have decided to breastfeed have
taken some small steps towards a more responsive mode of parenting.
Nonetheless, it is one thing to carry and cue-feed a baby as part of a
culture /exteneded family of baby-carriers and cue feeders, where there is
likely to be an extra pair of arms available when you need it,(maybe even an
extra pair of breasts). It is quite another thing to baby-carry and cue-feed
in the isolation of one's own home or apartment.

The transition from autonomous adult to(for all pysical intents and
purposes)the always on-call sole provider of nutrition/nurturance, at least
in the early months, can feel overwhelming. To mother responsively in
surroundings that commonly provide very little physical support, as well as
little emotional support  and a scarcity of good information, is *not*
natural or normal.  It makes sense to want  help.

The so-called "relief bottle"---to give mom a longer stretch of sleep at
night, or an evening away from the baby, is a far cry from the assistance a
mother would get in a better world.  Is it ideal, or even truly"necessary?"
Probably not---but the "relief bottle", or even the idea of one, may be the
thing that preserves breastfeeding.

No, an expensive pump is not the ideal source of the occassional(or regular)
relief bottle. It is quick, and convenient, and can feel very reassuring.

Does  pumping  this way undermine mother-infant attachment?  I'm sure it can.
 But it can also help a mom who is struggling to adjust to the demands of
infant attachment by giving her some physical and psychic breathing space.

As always, just my humble 2 ml's worth.

Karen Kavesh in Philadelphia
who certainly mothered my second baby more responsively than my first(poor
darling!)

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