I have been leading a discussion group for mothers who
nurse into childhood for more than 8 years now and am
presently at work on a book on the subject.
A few thoughts & an anecdote:
I notice more children late to solids among families
who nurse in response to a child's "request." Also,
some children embrace solids for the fun new
experience they provide, then return to more or total
reliance on mother's milk again. This behavior can
fluctuate throughout the second year, with or without
obvious family allergies or illness. Of course,
allergy history, illness, teething, travel,
developmental milestones, undetected medical
challenges in the child, separation, family
relationships, moving, and any changes whatsoever in
the mother's daily schedule all have an effect.
Mothers who have a bf support system (hcp, friends,
playgroup, LLL, family) seem to take it in stride,
even during strife.
Mothers who have more children, particularly close in
age, are more likely to have a fussy, high-need baby.
(I'm a little tongue-in-cheek here...!) One mother
said to me about baby #9: "This one wants to be my
first." We had a wonderful conversation about how
every baby really wants to be the "first."
[This mother was truly a pleasure and assured me her
situation wasn't "so difficult. After all, the 2 year
olds are twins." I'm still stumped about how that
would make things easier, perhaps someone could
enlighten me, but I digress...]
Mothers with hectic schedules sometimes mis-report the
quantity & quality of nursing sessions. It may seem
as though the child is nursing all the time because
Mom is nursing every chance she gets. From the
child's perspective, Mom's increased busy-ness sets
off an alarm. The child with good survival skills
sets of a few alarms as well! Nurse, nurse, nurse...
I could go on & on & if you know me personally, you
know I do!
Some good postings have been made regarding
Sharon's case with the 14 month old. My first guess,
without a conversation-ful of questions myself, is to
address the quality of the those nursing sessions.
How many include a "meal?" How many are of the
please-keep-me close variety? The description is
typical of many babies I see. Actually offering to
nurse, when Mom is able & willing to really sit down
with that baby, can actually help cut down on what she
might otherwise see as "nuisance" nursing. I like
Kathy's term "pre-emptive nursing." In this case,
where Mom wants to be sure her daughter is truly
nourished, it helps to remember to nurse as though
"filling up" the child, not "putting off." The child
who isn't filled isn't finished. Instead of a good
nursing on the way out the door, this child may need a
good morning of nursing first. It may be that many
nursing sessions end abruptly (in the child's eye).
Only Mom can decide if she will change whatever is
making her life hectic. Mothers who believe they are
making choices seem to have an easier time making
choices.
I am posting with broad strokes hoping to suggest new
questions for Sharon and, perhaps, other readers.
Was there also a posting about a 10 month old? Many
babies that age are just too busy to "eat" &
frantically make up the time later, and all night...
I hope there is a LLL meeting or similar mothers'
group available for these mothers. Sometimes it helps
to find out these nursing patterns are normal --
though challenging and exhausting!
Susan Johnson MFA, IBCLC
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