Melisa said,
<<she said that she knows she has done things right with her kids
when she can't remember the day on which her child last nursed.  This way it
is truly child lead weaning>>

This is exactly what I tell people when they question how long I nursed my
children, which they often do.  They nursed for increasingly longer periods,
first child 15 months (she was a thumb sucker, easily weaned when I got
pregnant again).  Second child, 2.5 years (weaned again with subsequent
pregnancy, but ultimately would need to "hold it", my breast, to fall
asleep).  Third child tandem nursed along with his younger sis until he was
3.5.  Youngest was almost 4 and what I tell people is that by the time she
weaned, she was nursing so infrequently that on her fourth birthday, I
thought back and realized she hadn't nursed in a month, so I thought "I
guess we're done".  Don't know the day exactly, or occasion.  I never got
that first sensation of fullness from it but I sure could tell when I was no
longer lactating at all.  My already small breasts went back to being just
"nipples on my chest wall"!  LOL

And Kathy, you crack me up!  You don't pull any punches do you?!  Your
response to the mom who called you at 11:30 was classic.   Thanks for
sharing these cases.  I have mixed feelings about this issue of extended
nursing and co-dependency.  Of course I don't believe that one equals the
other at all.  I agree with Kathy that we should have the assumption that
the relationship is normal unless or until we see other behaviors that send
warning signals.  I do, however, wonder about why a mother would ask her
child (not a toddler) if they wanted to nurse in public.  Given the culture
today and how seldom an older child usually nurses, why would it be
necessary to do it in public, or in such a public way?  I could even see a
mother, responding to something she sees in her child, offering via a code
word, then finding a private place or taking the child to a more private
place to see if nursing is what the child needs.  But to do it publicly
seems to me to be making a statement which, while seeming to consider the
needs of the child, may also be exposing the child to some unwelcome
comments or jeering from peers.  We know how cruel children can be,and not
to say that the children in Melisa's playgroup would be this way, but were
they the only ones at this place?  I remember distinctly, sitting in my own
living room breastfeeding my baby daughter and having the neighbor's 4 yr
old grandchild come into the room and ask me why the baby was "sucking on my
tittie" (ooooh, I still shudder when I think of that distasteful word!).
This kind of thing can happen at a young age.  And doing this publicly can
be a way of placing a "mark of ownership" on the child or of "showing off"
in the same way.  Melisa, I think I might not say anything, out of
politeness and giving the benefit of the doubt, but in all honesty, I would
wonder, too.

I have shared before, that I have married into a family with a history of
co-dependency which has extended to my husband's children.  It amazes me the
effect this type of thing has on kids and the adults they become, my dh
included.  I've learned that things can look great from the outside, but
nothing is what it seems in these relationships.

Marsha, who thought I had extended nursed at least a couple of my kids, only
to find they were still babies compared to some of you!  ;-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marsha Glass RN, BSN, IBCLC
Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations
as all other earthly causes combined.
C. Abbot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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