>
>Oh well I'll open my big mouth....I don't think mom should ask 6 yo child
>if he wants to nurse.  I truly believe in "don't offer, don't refuse" as an
>acceptable way to eventually wean an older child.  If  mom is offering (at
>play group no less) then I think there is more going on here than meets the
>eye. Sincerely, Pat in SNJ

I guess I feel the need to jump in here.  Don't offer, don't refuse is a
general guideline, but each child is different. If my 4 year old is hurt,
tired or distressed, I often offer to nurse him.  With my first couple of
children I believed in don't offer, don't refuse.  Then I realized it is
not that simple.  There is often an interaction between mother and child
casual observers are unaware of.  In my many, many years of raising and
helping raise children I have noticed that our society often accuses moms
of something (codependancy, over protection, etc) when in reality the
mother is responding to that child's particular needs.  I was often accused
of being over protective of my third child. She was extremely high
need.  (there is a story about her in Sear's High Need Child book)   Now
really.  I have five children.  If I were the one with a problem, I would
over protective of all of them!   Perhaps the mother of the 6 year old
sensed he was stressed and offered to nurse.  In many cultures I doubt any
one would have noticed.
Patty Spanjer, IBCLC

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