I'm sure lots of people will write replies with lots of helpful tips.  I have
seen this "problem" literally hundreds of times over the past 20+ years in
private practice and I can tell you that there is no great answer for this
family.

I think that my (our) job at this point is to support whatever decision the
family makes.  I tell the parents I can strongly support two points of view:

1)  This nighttime relationship is a very short part of childhood and I love
moms and dads taking every possible opportunity to hug, cuddle and nurse
babies and toddlers.

2) Conversely, a baby "built" this well and having had over 500 (!!) days and
nights of cuddling, love and reassurance cannot be truly damaged by being
patted and rubbed and cuddled rather than being nursed whenever he awakens.
Yes, the baby will cry and cry sometimes for a long time and many--if not
most--of us couldn't take that very well.  When parents choose this course, I
ask them to call me each morning to "fine tune" the process.  Actually, I just
 want to give them someone to talk to.

Obviously, my heart and, I'm afraid, more enthusiasm goes into the first
suggestion.  However, I have come to realize over the years that a marriage
can crumble from the mom assuming the full weight of this decision. (Which is
truly primarily hers.)

Your response might be that the marriage wasn't sound to start.  Well, the
strain of the first few years of parenting shake many marriages to their
roots and my job as a pediatrician is to keep an eye on this and make every
effort to have the kids in my care growing up in intact families.

There is no answer suitable for long distance Internet treatment for this
issue for this particular family.  The health care professionals and support
people who know this mom, dad, baby and marriage best will have to help them
live with the choice they make.

Jay Gordon, MD, FAAP, IBCLC

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