<I think it is Dr W Sears who said " a dad is the first person to teach a
baby that food and love don't *have* to come together all the time"
(paraphrased)
Maybe a lesson for siblings too! Try teaching him to calm his brother by
singing or pulling faces or dancing etc - babies love it and they learn
quickly that their brother is very funny!>

Supervised "lotion baths with massaging" on days baby doesn't need a
"real bath" are a great way for big brother and baby both to reap the
brain chemistry rewards of touching.

Great for big brother's ego right now. He may even be the recipient of
baby's first smile when the developmental time for intentional smiling
arrives!

I heard it is also good for baby's neurological development, especially
when stroking is in the direction from top downward and central
outward-the direction of development of dendrites.

(These are new growth processes of nerves building rich networks of
stimulus receptors in the skin. And wasn't there some sort of research on
the increased brain weight of lab rats who were petted and handled versus
those who were not?)

I have long been using this hint to parents who are coping with middle
child feeling "left out" as well as general sibling bonding frustration.

It gives me the opportunity to talk about the therapeutic qualities of
positive touch and proactively "filling the 'touch banks' of siblings
early in the day" with hair grooming, waking them up with back rubs, foot
massages, etc.

One I learned form my own mom was mock-proclaiming "I think you need a
(tiny) dose of 'Vitamin Tickle' " when the Green Eyed Monster is about to
drive the parents up the wall.

Sufficient touching gives the sibling something positive to draw on
during stress over Mom's hands and attention, previously more available
to the sibling before the birth, now focused so much on baby.

There seems to be a connection with "acting up" or "acting out" as a way
to get SOME kind of feedback, even if it turns out to be a swat or an
angry word, just so the sibling feels "real", significant, and capable of
making an impact on his world.

And of course, any resultant peacefulness in the relationships frees mom
to breastfeed in a more relaxing atmosphere!

Just my @.02 that has reassured many a frustrated parent over the years.

Jean
*******************
K. Jean Cotterman RNC, IBCLC
Dayton, Ohio USA
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