Nobody has come to me yet talking about Parent-directed feeding in the
specific meaning that comes out of the Ezzo's books. But people do often
talk to me about similar schedule based or otherwise parent-directed type
feeding regimes, and here's how I have come to think about this:
All infant feeding patterns are in some basic way parent directed, because
the baby obviously can't get what he wants unless his grown-ups will let him
have it. On what bases, then, are the parents directing the baby's feeding?
For nearly all parents (in my part of the world, at least) there are four
factors that go into it.
-- The clock (or, to put it another way, the demands of the social situation)
-- The parents' needs and/or convenience, both physical ("OK, after I pee")
and cultural ("but I need some time with your father")
-- Knowledge of the baby's physiology (including that of its symbiote, the
breast)
-- Perception of the baby's cues as reflecting the baby's state, both
physical and emotional
Even the most devotedly attachment-parenting moms have real needs and other,
cultural demands to meet; even the most Ezzo-influenced parents (leaving
aside a small sad proportion of those who are intentionally out to harm their
kids God forbid) want their baby's needs -- however they understand those --
to be met. So the question is how, in a particular case, the four interact.
This is a big part of why my pre-bf spiel for mothers gives a lot of science.
I think that telling mothers that their baby's stomach is the size of a
walnut helps them DIRECT themselves to feed their baby more frequently.
Telling them that night feeding affects prolactin more than day feeding helps
them DIRECT themselves to wake up if necessary to nurse their infant at 2am.
Telling them the hazards of formula may prompt them to DIRECT themselves to
do more to avoid the need for supplementation. Etc. This kind of knowledge
is powerful, because it changes their beliefs NOT about their own needs --
how can we do that, really? -- but about what constitute their baby's needs.
And that shifts the interaction of the baby-related factors with the others.
We can't do much to change people's religious or philosophical outlook. But
we can help them understand what I would call the created universe, including
their babies, and so affect they way that they see that outlook playing out
in their own live family.
And that may help shift their own calculus about what they want for
themselves and their children, even when the children are older; because as
we all know, once you have tried being lovingly responsive to your children,
its a lot harder to go back to ignoring them afterward.
Elisheva
Hoping this will be my first not-screwed up post of the day
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