Kathy D. says<5) I would be very wary of attributing lower libido after
child birth to<
depression -- this makes it sound as though all women should be hopping
to<BR>
get back to as frequent sex as their husband likes right after the<
earth-shattering, life-changing event of childbirth (especially first<
childbirth and first motherhood), and if they are not in the mood, they<
should take anti-depressants so they will be -- I think it is a good thing<
for the mother to be mainly tuned into her child rather than her spouse<
after birth, and I think this is an opportunity for the husband to also<
realize that the needs of the baby and the preferences of his wife should<
come before his sexual gratification as well -- a time for growth in<
emotional maturity for him??

I think this is where the old commandment from our moms "do your wifely
duty, even if you don't want to" comes in.  After 5 children, my libido was
lower for quite some time after childbirth (don't tell anyone--especially
my husband) and it is a common thread of conversation among my friends.  We
even joke that it is not so horrible to fake it, after all, don't we pick
up our children and comfort them even when we are dog tired? Just one of
the many "sacrifices" we make as women caring for the needs of others. I
sure hope we don't have to all go on meds so our husbands can be sexually
satisfied.  I often wonder if all those sexual taboos were started by women
as a way of getting a break for awhile.  I also agree with the comment
about the difference between libido and ability to reach orgasm.  It is not
so much that is not enjoyed if only she had the energy to start it.  My
suggestion as one married mom to another is often, if you are willing to
fake it long enough, the desire returns.  We joke that we forget how, but
once reminded are quite happy.  I get calls about this often because it is
an issue.  Most moms are so relieved they are normal and that it is
something they can deal with if they want to or accept and be patient.  As
Kathy D. points out,  it is important for mom to focus on her baby for
awhile, however, many men do not see it that way and resent the baby for
taking up so much time.  So, sometimes women choose to "please" him.  I
hate it when a mom weans because "daddy is jealous of baby's time at breast
and wants them back". Kathy D., I do agree and wish more dad's gained some
maturity.

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